2 movies... "boyhood" and "whiplash"

boyhood and whiplash... 2 hollywood movies, i saw recently..  made me feel like, writing something about each of them. 

(i generally try not to reveal details/script of a movie, but, sometimes its not possible.. so, there is a **spoiler alert** if you haven't watched these movies)

Boyhood, with its Oscar 2015 nominations is already famous...  that it took 12 years to make where each actor ages naturally, during the 12 years, especially the protagonist / narrator, from a little child to gangly teenager and on the door of adulthood. 

for me, the cultural comparisons provided lots to think on.  how does people around the 'boy' in boyhood behave, in specific situations in Texas, USA... and how would it have been, had it been elsewhere, especially India.. or Indian movies??  of course, how does Hollywood movies typically show it and how much more realistic 'boyhood' is, can be another comparison. 

there's lots of instances of 'parenting' in boyhood... how do the kids in boyhood, the narrator and his elder sister behave? (here, inconsistencies in this elder sister character can irritate viewer, as she behaves sometime as too self centered and at other times very different).. 

though, how adults think they 'know' whats good and bad and tend to give advice in a confident manner... seems very realistic.  another thing i could identify a lot was, the disdain and boredom which the narrator shows as a child and a teen - whenever adults try hard to connect with him, and try to show they are cool.. (its not easy to figure it out, as its often subtle, or subtly sarcastic).

of course, showing the new generation, the 21st century children as so chilled out and connected with each other, especially the level of maturity and forgiveness shown by narrator was redeeming, but maybe a bit unrealistic?

the second movie, 'whiplash' is finely made, but tries to coverup a sado-masochistic relationship, between a student and a teacher in a sugar coated way... especially in the end, made me feel, its an anti human rights encourager through and through.

i would go to the extent of saying, its a "50 shades of music"... just like 50 shades of grey, which shows a sado-masochistic relationship (haven't seen that movie, but read the book)... and what irritated me most was, this movie almost try to state, hurt and anxiety is what makes good music... rather than someone enjoying it.

fortunately, many articles online, have criticized 'whiplash' for what it is, including jazz musicians, and others.  the 'control' factor in teachers, and how can a masochistic teacher argue that, he/she is doing it for the 'good' of the student seems to be shown in a positive light, rather than derided.  and, i always felt that, by being in the 'flow' is how beautiful music is created..  rather than in an anxious state, rather than through trying hard, and pushing themselves... like they are doing a bench press.  and as one reviewer had put it, this movie insults music intelligence. 

*i remember, a friend telling me about the directors cut and commercial movie cut can be different.  A Hindi movie, 'Mrutyudand' (1997) director talked about it in an interview.  In this movie, the women in a north Indian village, suffer harassment & discrimination by men/patriarchal society, and towards the end, fight back and beat all the harassers). the director said, in an interview, that last scene was 'dream like'... and unrealistic.  directors cut would have happened before that, and ended in the realistic, but pessimistic note.  similarly, i felt, Whiplash could have ended, before that last scene, where in typical movie style, the 'hero' miraculously pulls out amazing performance.  the thing is, would all the viewers have the courage to understand and accept it as a dream like scene? 

the answer my friend is... Obvious ;)

have i rushed headlong into someone?
inviting whatever that comes along with it?

the guilt then follows without a remorse
due to lack of patience, to assess the next step...
before letting someone else know me,
before getting to know them well?

i guess the questions make the answers obvious.


but would you walk up a mountain slow,
or strain every fiber in your body
in a rush up ahead to reach the peak?
breathlessly to the point of going blind,
test the limits of time and space...

to figure when you risk the very existence,
whether realization of 'being' gets spilled out
like sweat on the very ground your feet tread...


relationships may not be like a trek on speed,
or like, thunderous wind rushing to your ears,
when you pump with your feet and try to fly...
to make time move in slow motion,

as you near your meeting point, that connection
with all the dangers that may exist there,
when you reach your destination or exhaustion..

there is nothing more to go ahead!

there maybe thrill in the chase,
but is that all there's to life?
and am i ever going to mature,
accept and act my age...
slow down?

(*apologies to anyone, whom i might have hurt, even unintentionally...  and for my hurts, none needed..  as the quote goes; “How wild it was, to let it be.” ― Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail )

2 questions...

rape – what does that mean?

And how and where did that word originate?

-  the banned documentary, India's daughter, which is on rape of Nirbhaya in Delhi and related controversies, i was forced me to rethink on those 2 questions above. Does a similar stigma is connected with men who get raped?

Why do women as a gender group have to face a different stigma, when a penetration happens related to genital regions of the body? (here, i am assuming, a similar stigma is not connected with men who get raped).

Where does it start? Isn't it strongly connected to a patriarchal mind set, which sets a different value to women and their body... and physical contact with a man.. why does it have to be so fragile a virtue? Why can't any human being, feel free to use their body the way they want and enjoy physical intimacy, without bothered by moral and philosophical dilemmas?

Why should sex be such a concern of society and other people? Is it because, marriage and life long commitment is considered so sacred and freedom to use own body to convey emotions with each other the way they want? Does mental sex, where one imagines it, goes with the same amount of guilt? Can any one human being say, they never imagined, or fantasized anything sexual outside their marriage, or with a married person?

Of course, people's interest in sex, or whatever else like music, food, traveling, etc. Varies from person to person. According to Dr. Alfred Kinsey, there are heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, pan sexuals, autosexuals and asexuals. Its a range. Similarly, there are people addicted to music and people who are not interested in music can also be there int his world.

Again, rather than accepting, each individual as a complex package of multiple likes and dislikes and neutrality, and thus celebrating uniqueness of each person (even identical twins are not same mentally), why do we try to suppress it and try to create groups of people with similar likes/dislikes? A really free world, where each one can enjoy music of their type, or not listen to it at all according to their preference can exist?

A genderless, a world without coercion and pressure to be uniform... and where we can live without judging each other within couple of seconds of meeting them??

i don't know thinking in this way makes me even worse than a rebel... and whether such thoughts should be shared at all.. what if i feel same way about religion, god and other such human constructs?

 

Where would you put thoughts of nudism as an accepted practice, in the range of rebelliousness?

2 things...

1) what is cliche and what is original?
2) can alcohol be called as 'self medication'?

cliche and original - how do you seem, when you communicate? 
i have seen many people, communicating in very cliched way - and seem to have copied from old books... or directly lifted from advices they'd received as children...

but, how to figure out what sounds like cliche and what sounds as original?  and can any one person claim to be able to judge such a thing? no..  and it will depend on the audience/listener -

but, nobody likes to sound cliched. and of course, one should not neglect old learnings completely..  nor should we close our eyes to new learnings, and think everything has already been discovered.  so, its important to strike a balance.

I see, people who have exposure to mono-culture, mono-language have lots of difficulty in understanding or realizing what is cliche.  Lack of exposure, often makes people sound like parrots, and leave their audience... but they go on without realizing it.

but there are no short cuts, to become original. one has to have exposure to information from different parts of the world...  to keep evolving our minds / our self in pace with the world.  its tough but possible. 

Short cuts can make you 'appear' as a suave or a person with wide knowledge..  but it just makes you 'appear' as one..  doesn't make you one. 

the pursuit should be to become a person with exposure and understanding of various view points (even contradictory ones) - to have an in-depth realization / insight about reality around us.  then you dont have to bother to present yourself as an intelligent and sensitive person..

you won't have to learn to quote or say things just to present such an image... and that also takes away the stress to appear smart / good communicator.  and when that over stress / extra tension goes away, you naturally shine..

2nd thing, is alcohol self medication?
ever thought, why is alcohol so popular, despite many health risks?  & social & financial risks too..

there are many people, who can't loosen up without alcohol..  and use it to deal with stress/tension of facing others, and enjoy themselves (as one is supposed to enjoy, as shown in media)..

can this 'party preparation' be called as self medicating with alcohol?  or stress reduction?

and if they are self-medicating... what is the problem that they are fixing? what could be such a major failure of health systems, which do not identify and give a solution to?

can it be termed as social anxiety? or 'difficulty in overcoming inhibitions' disorder? or as a way to forget their tensions for a short period, so that they can feel like a king?

the above symptoms would indicate, its not just a health or medical problem, but a social problem as well..  a society, which suppresses freedom of thinking, fails to encourage critical thinking and overall force from infancy to confirm to social and cultural norms to such an extent..  that a person has to use alcohol to free themselves up.

of course, in India, majority of women do not consume alcohol..  but, they are suppressed from even using alcohol, as its men-only self medication... probably faith and devotion are the self-medications, which women are allowed / encouraged to use ;)

even man, generally dont declare openly that - they are gonna drink alcohol, just because they feel so, or as self medication, to escape inhibitions which keep them tied up.  alcohol drinkers come up with various excuses and rituals to consume it (its shown in many movies, and Malayalam movies have it almost as a common theme in majority of movies..  and indicate close observations of such groups or persons who use alcohol, which is generally kept hidden).

these rituals and excuses are to put the responsibility of getting drunk and related destruction on something else.  because either they don't know its a self medication for an problem, which is not exactly classified/categorized.. or they are denying it exists.  or does such a social disease exist?

a social disease, with symptoms of, refusal to take responsibility for own actions & emotions..refusal to overcome social restrictions and question conditioned dogma..  and, yes, its very complex disease.

a social change will have to happen, rather than just banning its availability - the war on drugs showed, how it can lead to many more problems - as the change should come from within... and not through force and imposition.  maybe a long way ahead, or maybe its not so far off ;)

agency & communion?

a masculine person goes into a 'role' - when there is a need to show control. its a show, and its to state, "I can manage a situation, where control reigns supreme"...

Its a beast (control), whose horns he's tackling and sometimes there can be disastrous consequences...  but that adds to prove the manhood by willingness to take high risks, and once you do that, you try to reach even higher levels of risks...

the feminine role seem to have another feature, that of managing a situation by being compatible, supporting... to prove one's worth.  If anger seem to be dominant in masculinity, then fear of not being compatible seem to drive feminine style.

of course, masculine and feminine are too closely connected with gender types of man and woman.  so, i should switch to other terms like agency and communion. (gender based segregation of human qualities, i.e. grouping some human qualities into one gender, divides us as human beings..  genderless is the way to go...  just like- caste less, race less, age less, skin color less society, where every human is accepted and treated the same).   But what is agency & communion?

Agency refers to an individual’s striving to master the environment, to assert the self, to experience competence, achievement, and power. In contrast, communion refers to a person’s desire to closely relate to and cooperate and merge with others (taken from: Bakan D. The duality of human existence: Isolation and communion in Western man).  

thus, agency would be the male thing, and communion the female thing.  

the media, TV, Movies, Newspapers, Advertisement and literature (stories), keep repeating these 2 types, for male and female.  so, a female, behaving in a communion style, would have a strong sense to prove, she can be compatible with another person, to show her own self worth.  

its basically because, women would be brought up in that way, trained to believe and behave in that way mostly, through repeated conditioning.  and men too get conditioned in Agency style since childhood. 

what could evolve, when these 2 styles clash with each other?
the agency mindset, might not be able to fathom that, through communion, someone might be trying to prove their self worth'....agency mindset would see it as a sign of submission... and keep suppressing the communion style people.  

Even big groups get dominated by ONE ideology or style of few dominant members of that group.  others in the group, who do not share that ideology try to bring about a change...  and a revolution or slow evolution could be the result of this rebellion.  

of course, these 2, agency & communion are just 2 facets like yin and yang... keep balancing!

while watching a movie, i thought... (series 1)

movie name: 'satya' (hindi)...
 this movie happens in Mumbai..  while sitting near sea shore, the hero gives a ring to the heroine, and she coyly accepts it.  then they both get up and walk.  the hero is beaming from within... and while walking he steps on a puddle - but is unaware of it and walks away happily.

don't know whether it was an intentional thing by director of that movie. but it nicely shows, when we are so happy, we can ignore many things ;)
and chances are its intentional, as in that scene, the surrounding area seems dry, but there are couple of puddles, just in the area, where hero is about to walk.

... movie name: 'beautiful mind' (english) 
the scene where john nash (hero) is in a psychiatric hospital, and is dragged in by attendants.  john is shouting, i am john nash, and i am being held against my will.
Should a person, be held against their will..  even if they have a medical condition? 
(in this movie, the hero suffers from 'paranoid schizophrenia'... so, is it justified?)

How does an MHP (Mental Health professional) react to such aspects in their profession?
Would a decision to force another person against their will, affect this MHP?

How's it different from being a sniper, who has to to sniff out life cold-blooded, again & again?
(Do health professionals have 'burn out'.. like soldiers have PTSD... do they have too?)

Should bunched up concepts related to our brain, mind, psychology be grouped up under one subject heading?

(Just read, an article, which examines counter-transference, or on impact on psychotherapist: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/psychotherapy/rorschach-and-case-countertransference?GUID=5F38BC0F-88AE-4812-8359-088FC5BC8DA8&rememberme=1&ts=21022015

i had to ask some of these questions... maybe almost anyone who has to influence (manipulate) others in their work, might have done the same thing..

some would have questioned themselves, about this aspect.. some never become aware enough - to ask /raise to self, such questions.

and, strangely, we (humans) seem dual - one one side, a highly developed socializing need, with bundles of sympathy, empathy and emotional swings..  occurring from feeling of loneliness.

and at the same time, a fierce need to be independent, self-made, not-being-a-slave, ethical person..  and this part (to say), can create a guilt kind of thing... when we do oppressive actions;  just like sniffing out a life can take a bit of your soul away (basically, i mean, it can add a layer of guilt in most people).

some could be there... sociopaths or psychopaths, as they used to be called..  But, wouldn't they too need some reasons, rational to defend their actions..  otherwise, even they too feel guilty??

...girl with dragon tattoo: another movie, gives an example.  the villain or killer (Martin) in the Hollywood version of this movie (there is Swedish version, which is more raw/intellectual), is talking with the hero Blomkvist, who is tied up to be tortured by this killer.  "everyone came on their own will, i didn't tie them up and drag them here.  even you came when i invited you.  this shows, people don't trust their instincts... saying no to someone is more painful for them, than their own death"... philosophizes this killer in a chilling manner.

of course, this killer doesn't consider any other factors, of human psyche... which makes him really fearful.  and is trying to justify, why he can torture and kill other people..  but, even such a cold serial killer needs to have some reason, otherwise he might feel guilty.

so.. overall, its a fine balance - you have to keep independence at a level & sociability too at a level..  interdependence is more easily typed than practiced.

thus, life can be like balancing a see-saw...   

barefoot comic strip

Hmm..  another comic strip idea..  How much waste does a person generate, by using footwear? (how much of this waste is spread around his environment?  - i.e.. when they walk, are they adding bits of plastic or synthetic material, on the floor, with each step??  lots and lotsa questions.. 

dont be greedy... and work hard...

hmm..  couldn't find the actual quote...  its basically from a speech made recently..  but, the point is, how do we see hard work?  (of course, multiple viewpoints will be there..  and maybe will reflect in comments ;)

val day adjectives ;)

hmm..  how does a comic strip reach final stage of getting published? ..  through few revisions.  first there is a thought, an idea..  contradictions in human nature... gets presented through some twist (no wonder there are so many comic strips, we have that many contradictory views within ourselves).

then, you draw it on a page, or draw it on computer... the finished product looks slightly different from the one you imagined..  and then you feel, it could be changed slightly, into more sharper form.  then you make those changes, and show it to someone, to get an overall reaction to it.  sometimes you burn it, and sometimes, you think, to hell with it and send it for blogging ;)

there could be multiple interpretations... hope they appear in comment section.

more about gokarna beaches...

having a doing nothing vacation, at a slow paced beach area, close to a rural and old town like Gokarna can be out of this world literally.

you wake up, go through a slow breakfast or whatever you want to eat with your eyes wandering over the seascape.  there are plenty of weirdly nicely dressed people around you, doing similar things all the time, and mostly they are chilled out... i.e. peaceful and open backpackers...  there is peace, happiness and relaxed atmosphere, because, everyone around (mostly) are on vacation.  there are restaurant and beach shack /room rent management, but all this work is done at a relaxed vacation pace.

there is a beach, long stretch of white sand, and its generally sparsely populated.  more foreigners are there, and they prefer to be calm and quiet.  not much alcohol is consumed (except by Indian beach visitors, who are for a day or 2 max, and start drinking the minute they sit down at beach, and become the noisiest half shy, half macho kids, with staring and commenting on their own language to overcome their complexes... a friend told me).

of course, i too thought, why do so many Indians, youth to middle age, drink alcohol so fast and basically want to get 'DRUNK'??  a German backpacker discussed, lack of alcohol drinking evolution, as a probable cause...  "we start with very low % beer, at an early age, and slowly go towards high level alcohol content drinks... and we also have an evolution of drinking beer/alcohol since last few hundreds of years..  but, in India, people found no alcohol to 40% alcohol drinks"...

of course, there was alcohol in different forms in India earlier, but a big portion of population had no access to it along with social restrictions.  women still dont drink or smoke like men in India.  but, is this the only reason?  there could be another addition.  Indians tend to live with a life script, written when they were children...  and have to deal with so many family & social responsibilities... that, they dont want to think, reach a level of numbness, and that's why they allocate free time with drunk state.  they want to be outta any responsibility, and that's how they behave after getting drunk..

and then, solo backpacker women travelers... usually with enthusiasm, aware of own strengths and willingness to take on new experiences, confident and wise beyond their years... liberal and at peace with themselves...  a good example of 'genderless' society.  of course, they see Indian women going to the beach, getting their feet wet, while struggling with their sarees, and so often remaining cautious in the background.  and, yeah, they can stare you down too, if they want it ;)

so, played beach volleyball, 2 a side, with a german on my team, and with a german on other team, and a brazilian young girl..  needless to say, she was really good player and i hit sand diving trying to get her smashes.  and swam for a hour, ran for similar time on white sands, barefeet, and i like it best, when i run at my fullest speed, and the wind hits me square back...  when was the last time you ran at your fullest speed, as long as you could??

well, life is either 'profound in a silly way, or silly in  a profound way'.  chew on that.

gokarna, karnataka, India, 2 week stay

there is a railway station called 'gokarna road'... its south of goa.  buy a ticket to this station, get down, and walk for about 1km outside (no need to take an autoriksha for 100's of rupees)... you will reach a road, and if you can wait for few minutes, you will get bus to gokarna main town and beach areas, for rs. 15/-

get off at gokarna main bus stop/stand... its not a big place, but not totally rural either.  there are many cool and quiet beaches nearby.  there is a gokarna main beach, which is not preferred, as its too commercial.  (what makes a beach commercial or coveted one is difficult to define).  from gokarna beach left corner, there is a small path leading up, which takes you to kundle beach (its not pronounced as 'table, but e sound is used). to the left of kundle beach, 20 minute trekking through small hill takes you to om beach.

om beach is even more quiet and have less shops and restaurants.  from om beach, towards left, are half moon beach and paradise beach.  there are boats going to these beaches, but walking through hill areas, and even some rock climbing is part of it, so its much more exciting.  to enjoy riding in a boat, take it on the way back.

in paradise beach, there were about 20-30 people... there are no shacks or huts or anything... people were ultra social and friendly.  thats what non-commercial beaches bring out in you.  commercial one's make you want to bargain and be competitive ;)

in kundle beach, there are volleyball nets tied up on poles, at different parts of the beach.  generally its ok to talk to a group playing it and join them..  beach volleyball is more tiring as loose sand makes your movements happen as if in slow motion. it took me some time to get used to it and understand timing.

but, best of all, these places are best to be on barefoot... sand and sea makes footwears useless, unless you want to keep them prisoners.  but, even in such places, you see people who just want to get drunk and shout, as they think, its the only way to have fun.

someone i met, some from outside india, commented as part of the conversation, 'i have seen most immature people in india...  it wasn't surprising to hear such a comment.  it could be even rephrased into more politically incorrect phrase, that is, 'indians are the most immature people of the world'.. though, what is immature is not easy to define.  there are so many of them around, either walking with slouched shoulders, with a constant scowl on their face, either giving sneak looks at other people or openly staring at them, demanding service in a rude way to other people, such as hotel, restaurant, and any other staff, as if they are beneath them, and bargaining in crude ways.  most of them hell bent on faking it as much as possible.  imitating what others are doing, because, they never had time to relax and think what they exactly want to do.

in the evenings, during sunset, many hippie like people, wearing all sorts of clothes, hair styles, sitting on beach and playing different instruments, in groups or alone.  the groups informally form some form of orchestra and a sense of rhythm and peace forms around.  there are people doing yoga alone, or group yoga and create human pyramids.  at night, people light a candle in the sand, for symbolic fire and sit around it and discuss.  the 5 elements come together... fire, water (sea), earth, skies and air.  and make people realize their tribal spirit, connect to our ancestors who lived like this long ago.  shanti, shanti shanti hi...

humanism v/s...

what is humanism? 

i have seen a rise in viral videos (youtube mostly) by various activists, who are trying to lobby for their groups...  and in many, humanism is seen as not good, and group specific 'ism' as the only way to get ahead.  and its really disturbing, as these own group promoters seem to be un-aware of its future consequences. 

how do they plan to go ahead into future?  if each group tries to get their rights, without thinking about integration, wouldn't it give rise to more competitions and rivalry?  where are the people, who voice the need to have an inclusive, all humans as equal??  a humanism, where human rights of everyone is respected, without trying to categorize them into a group... shouldn't it go viral everywhere? 

(i added, 'should', because, i feel, everyone of us humans have faced some kind of human right violation or other..  and still, it hasn't become THE most important focus, or a demand of every human being alive). 

some of the examples, i have seen in popular media are, femin-ism, caste-ism, religion-ism, national-ism, rac-ism, special condition-ism (based on conditions like, physiological impairments &/ conditions..  here the brain is considered as part of physiology or our body)...  and so on.  Shouldn't any group, be asking for universal human rights first... where their own group also would be included automatically? 

of course, each group can focus their activities on a select number of people, but along with that, trying to spread 'humanism', where all humans also should have equal rights be voiced? ...  otherwise, wouldn't a person from one group-ism be seen as, working on their own ends, without regard for others?

well...  i guess, it all will depend on the vision each person has..  how they want to see a distant future of the world, whether they will be living or not.  could there be a vague idea, what we all should believe in, to have a well functioning world, at least in future? 

i hope to hear some comments this time... questions, ideas, solutions, facts, anything...  but do think what kind of world would you want this to become... and voice it, express it, share it... spearhead it.. 

why dont they stop this disgusting behavior?

well, a friend asked, another friend from India..  the question above. 

of course, the Indian friend couldn't believe it..  disgusting behavior? in india? impossible! 

what was the behavior? they were sitting on a bus, and as they inched for an hour through heavy traffic, on wayside, the foreigner on first trip to india, could spot, people peeing and spitting blood red liquid, as well as throwing waste, even glass bottles in public places.  other people just walk nonchalantly around as if all this behavior is invisible. 

a culture clash of course...  and what was the point of contention?  disgusting.  for the person from local area, disgusting about india or indians was offensive... anything that touches patriotic pride is to be eliminated at once.

(probably because that's all there remaining from the glorious history - i might be walking in pee, spit, plastic & food waste, but my great grandfather lived in a golden city full of intellectuals... and that's what matter.   and you might be living in clean & systematic way now, but your great grandfather was hanging around with bunch of monkeys... so you are a looser.  and its ancestors who decide your status, not you). 

forget the above para in brackets... and lets get back to the first question...  is it a good thing to have public places turned into all kinds of waste dump?  if an ebola like disease reaches india, can anyone even imagine how quickly it will spread?  so, it would be a good idea to think about, how to change such disgusting and destructive behavior...  but, then, what would be the FIRST reaction to such a comment? people who do it, or who tolerate it, will often come up with an angry reaction... and defend or block the other person's question.

its a cultural difference, you wont understand.  or, some of the people do it, not everyone does it.  its changing gradually, you will find it only in some places.  its the un-educated people who keep doing it, they have no sense.  (these could be some defensive responses... and there could be some outright angry and counter offensive questions too... like, "what about high divorce rate in your country?")

anyway, the observation here - is about, what triggers these reactions... first in the case of a foreigner and then in the case of the native / local person? 
...even if a cultural habit, or common behavior is destructive, if its pointed out from a shocked view point or aggressive view point, - then, defensive or offensive reaction can be expected and it doesn't lead to solving that issue, but makes the environment even more toxic and aggressive.

so, even if we are disgusted by some behavior (kissing in public could be seen as disgusting by some indians, but enough is being written about kiss of love strikes these days)...  a reactionary comment arising out of indignity wouldn't be a good idea.  first try to think of it as, a behavior, born out of long years of repetition.  many people would not be aware of the overall impacts of such behavior, and they might look at it as, taking away their right.  for example, a person used to throw waste anywhere scot-free,  would consider it as inconvenience and infringement of personal right, if its denied... especially if its to be obeyed as a personal choice... and some others are still doing it around them, without having to pay any consequence.

so, in conclusion, that leads us to the tricky area of initiating a cultural behavior change.  do not explode immediately with your first reaction... when some different behavior occur.  think about, how inoffensively it can be presented/communicated.  what can the local people do by themselves to change such a behavior is the next question..  and local people should feel the solution idea occurred to them, and were not told / enforced with it.  and its them, who should be motivated to sustain the different healthy behavior... so, encouragement & support will be required. 

"whew! its tough".  my friend told me. even though i am saying all this now, its not easy to give a reactionary comment, when we see something different from our culture, age old habits.  but, we gotta try, because, i would prefer clean & hygienic public places.. 

how about free wi-fi everywhere?...  (well, that's another blog ;)

about a dog....

how do you tell a dog

how much you love its open show of affection?

A dog, nearing an year, already attained its youth physically,

but mentally still in a half puppy playfulness...

she is friendly, with everyone, as she had grown up so far,

in a relatively peaceful atmosphere, thanks to many humans..

and, always ready to play, run around, attention seeking

and at times, willing to just lie down and relax...

and raise her eyes in a soulful way, when awakened...

and, when you have to leave her at home,

as you have to go out on your own...

the dog, knows you are not taking her with you..

and looks at you, without anger, or hurt,

but only an innocent feel of her own sadness...

it hurts you to leave her like that... as she stands

silently..

and you remember, the other people, you have hurt

lashed out in your anger, demand, anything..

that same hurt, hits you, as you helplessly leave her

and walk ahead, alone, lost in thoughts..

wish i could be as non-judgmental as such a dog,

a state, where i am not wallowing in blame & pity

fill up my balloon of frustration, confusion i.e insecurity...

and i still walk away, realizing, whats being judgmental,

and wishing to practice it, even more in future.. 

 

why are you still single?

a friend who lives in turkey says..
basically a lot of people have asked me, why am i still single? he's in his late 30's..

i didn't know what to say..  but surprisingly a group discussion started with that.  there are married, singles and in relationship people in the group.  they start talking, as its a house gathering, where people just chill out and chat... its not a hectic party, but more focus on food and conversations...

prior to this group talk, 2 people had a private chat, but it became public, as both were trying to stress their point and unconsciously became loud in their volume..  no intervention was needed, as it was an intellectual debate and everyone know they end up as sum total of human intelligence (which is zero, if you count in IQ and if you count in stupidity, then have a unit which is in billions ;)

well..  it was interesting debate..  the man and the woman were discussing the status of their relationship or lack of it, and the group is a tolerant and liberal one, so, it was nothing new.  but, to reveal the hidden layers, they were discussing hypothetical questions..  which start with "what if"..

one of them, asked the other, "what if i hadn't moved away to another city at that time?  what would have happened to us then? or something hypothetical /imaginary question like that...  the other person gave a clear answer, "nothing much else would have happened, we had reached a stalemate situation with our friendship anyway"... (no puns intended and it was straightforward talk, as far as i know).    

anyway, that icy cool reply broke up that suspense and people re-gathered in new cliques.  a small TV was on somewhere with some football, and a small group checking out results of various clubs quickly.  an advt. interrupted it half way through.  couple of advt geeks moved into check new advts (believe me, there are people who like to watch advts and analyze them).

a new advt. came in, for an online shop.  (these days its either online shop advt, or an advt to re-sell your used things bought online, through online again, so that you can buy more stuff online ;)
ok.. be patient..  i wont drift anymore... ;)

in this advt.  a young man & woman (husband & wife), are sitting together to buy furniture online.  the eager husband tell us, its him, who is is going to shop for furniture, as if its a rocket science.  his wife, is sitting next to him, holding his hands and with wide eyed anticipation.
and he orders something, his wife immediately corrects him, and keeps changing the details slightly, till he ends up ordering what she wants.  it was supposedly funny, where one partner in relationship was doing major 'backseat driving'.  couple of viewers laughed out loud at such an obvious stereotype...

the advt. was over, football stat graphs appeared, and advt. geeks moved away to start analysis of that advt.  one said, "it was not a nice advt.  but, such nasty people, who manipulate their relationships exist and its a major pain to deal with them..  as they are always trying to control slyly.  some of them dont even realize that they are doing such a nasty thing, and it hurts their relationships & others too".

another joined in..  it was the turkish friend.  he said, "now i know, the answer to the question, so many people asked me before..  why am i still single?.   this was in a different track from the advt. but interesting enough to find out, so the group asked for explanation. 

he answered, "because, i am frank and honest to the point of brutality, when it comes to a close relationship.  i would like to dig deep and discuss even hypothetical questions...  and it would be a partnership, where future of that partnership wouldn't be per-determined... 

i do see many potential partners, who want to live the way its shown in movies and advt's..  where the partners/couple have to love whatever the other likes and profess love through rituals shown in movie/advt as proof of true love, without realizing why they do it.  they remain shallow and their relationship as well, and they fear change the most.  how can someone exist in such a relationship, where dying together in old age is goal, even though for which you are willing to sacrifice exploration of life?  aren't they remaining in such closed relationships, becoz they haven't been exposed to emotionally open relationships?

to be precise, he continued..  i will say just this, "i prefer emotionally open relationship, without conditions and demands... so i am still single..  does that make sense to you?

fortunately, this shocking statement, did have a supporter in the group, who added.   "if this answer of yours, doesn't reach out to the other person, then there is no point, trying to make him/her understand your attitude.   

another added, its liked from the movie, 'instinct'..  we all act as takers, not only with nature... but with each other as well..  as if, we are all going around with a begging bowl, pleading, 'love me, give me affection, give me respect, make me feel good, make me happy'..  to others, and as if that is not enough, to mythical gods and powers as well..

'the dinner is served', announcement rang at that moment, and made everyone self aware and all moved towards the ultimate truth, one plate at a time ;)

Oopar Oopar song lyrics & translated to english from hindi

life is best enjoyed, when you're HIGH on life.. (the title of the music video) - hindi lyrics with rough english translation below each stanza

dua pakad ke, oopar aagaya, oopar se sab saaf dikhe,

satya hai kya, sansar ka ab duniya ka mai-baap dikhe

(catching smoke, i came up high, and from high (above), everything is seen clearly,

what is truth, society and the whole world's mother-father (essence) is seen

yahan breeze bahoot hai tandi tandi tandi tandi

manne, oopar oopar rehne de... (2)

oopar oopar rahne de, manne, oopar rahne de

(here, there is very cold breeze...

(let) me, stay high high)

raz booz par loot raha hoon,

dhassa dhasa jaata hoon,

jeevan kaisa joke hai saala, hasa hasa jaata hoon

(spending on booze,

i remain down,

life seems like a joke, i keep on laughing..)

gas phoos pe lot raha hoon, roll roll kar jalna

road badi hai, rough jeevan ki, phook phook kar chalna

(i am lying on grass, keep rolling and burning

the road of life is tough, blow out and keep walking)

taxi kar ke aaya jahan, 3D sapnon ka jharna,

gadi-yaan saari melt hui, sab slow-motion pe karna

(i came here in taxi, in a 3D dreams waterfall

all the clocks have melted, do everything in slow-motion)

broken dil pe joint laga le, duniya flower-pot dikhe

chada jo parvat ki choti pe, mujhko bole-nath dikhen

(in your broken heart, put a joint, the world will be seen as flower-pot,

when climbed the peak of mountain, i saw 'bole-nath' / shiva the god)

yahan breeze bahoot hai, tandi tandi

manne, oopar oopar rehne de... (2)

oopar oopar rahne de, manne, oopar rahne de

(here, there is very cold breeze...

(let) me, stay high high)

jeevan ki mahatva-kamkshaon mein, jeevan ka sukh kho jaata hai

armanon ka kiye karaye ko, frustration ka flush dho jaata hai

pyar, mohabbat, kasmein, vaadein, yeh sab bus.. kujli-yaan hai

aam to bas yeh khqas pal hain, baaki sab to gutli-yaan hain,

yeh sansar ek rang manch hai, jahan sab ko apna role nibhana hai,

role banana hai, banana fal hai.. aur fal ki chinta na karna hi, jeevan ka hal hai..

jab zindagi phode bumb, bol BUM...

(in the ambitions of life, happiness gets lost from life,

when desires create chaos, flush of frustration cleans up..

love, affection, vows, promises, all these are... mere irritants

important is this present moment, all else is worthless (like a shell)

this world is a stage, where all have to do their role,

have to make roll, and banana is a fruit (its connected in sarcastic word play)

and not thinking about the fruit (of our efforts) is the solution to life

when life explodes a bomb, say BUM (a prayer to shiva)

manne, oopar oopar rehne de... (2)

oopar oopar rahne de, manne, oopar rahne de (2)

oopar oopar rahne de (2)... manne...

(let) me, stay high high)

#oopar oopar renn de, #oopar oopar rehne de #song lyrics #lyrics oopar oopar song #english translation of hindi song oopar oopar.

chess...

a child's first question could be,

“what is it?”

or would a child think,

why the hell did you

take me out of such

a warm cocoon,

where i am fed, cared

without the need to

lift even a finger...

(except maybe smile

couple of times,

when sonography is done)...

well, i am drifting away

from the question...

what is it? Keeps happening

at other times too..

like when you connect

converse with ease

and chat for an hour...

(in real life nobody's got time

for, focused conversation with

a single person, continuously ;)

well, then you end up asking,

what is it?

What kind of friendship do we have

and where would it go...

when its a guy and you too are a guy

then it doesnt go that way...

questions doesnt arise..

(i.e. If the guys are straight)

how does it go with

girl-girl thing..

i really dont know now..

but then, cant there be

a genderless community?

Where there are only

human-human things?

When you are young,

you move on quickly

rush into an answer

either way..

when you are beyond 40's

then you tend to play

some more mental chess (MC)..

only difference in MC is

there are no pawns..

they can be called as hope,

and you have to move them ahead

often only 1 step at a time..

though when you are young,

you might get a chance

to do a double move

though its an option...

and thus hope moves us ahead

and we tend to become pawns

(or even if we consider our self

rook, queen or king)...

we all have to move in the

64 square board of life...

often unable to predict the

moves of our partner.. or competitor

but if taken with sporting spirit,

its all fun..

and play a good game,

with zest and energy

consideration and with fair play

its just a life long game...

play on!

how would 2015 be?

What would you say, are the worst problems of the present time? I guess such a question is appropriate now, as its end of 2014, and a new year is coming up.

2015 is going to be an epoch year... its going to bring about so many changes from earlier traditional rituals and behavior.. the current year has already proved, how rapidly change is happening, especially in this 21^st century.

So, what would you guess, will be the biggest change makers next year? Internet speed? Mobile phone technology? Oil prices? Gender equality? Human rights? Well, its not easy to think from an international point of view... or world level.. so, think also about, the biggest change maker in your local area, in your local community (wherever you will be for the next 1 year).

What would be the biggest block for positive change / improvement in the next year?

Politics? Religion? Dictatorship /fascism? Gender oppression? Child rights? Human rights violations? War? Weather? Sex? … (again think from world view and local view, so come up with 2 major blocks, or same block can be there for both)..

think what it could be, from your point of view.

....  ...  ... from my point,  some of the above points are:

Well.. I am thinking too.. institutionalized religion could be a major block, is one of my draft guesses (draft idea – where draft means - a preliminary version of a piece of writing).. or it might be 'family' system... (already there is a blog in here below somewhere, which is about, how 'family' actually leads to cliques, groupism, and reduced cooperation).

Travelling (backpacking) alone, to meet new people & cultures, would be the biggest catalyst next year, to lead us to world peace... (well, my personal opinions).. and genderless, casteless, ageless, religionless, nations-less, greed-less world is what I will be hoping for...

that is, bit more better than this year... and not a sudden change into total utopia... ;)

also, connecting with people, share positivity, would be something I hope will happen more next year, if you also want that to happen... do get in touch with whoever you want to get in touch with ASAP ;)

what am i afraid off?

there is a question, i am afraid off...  it is,
"why don't you go one or few more steps ahead of the way you've chosen?
"why are you still afraid - for example of the society?
such questions...

but then, "do i ask people such a question?
yes, i often do (at times, silently, in my mind)

there are many possible retorts.. one liners, which can be used to block...
"have YOU done it?
"why are you telling ME?  and not instead tell it to YOURSELF?  or
"the FOCUS is you, not me...

but are they convincing enough for you?

let me give an example.. otherwise it can be too complex ;)

from my personal life, as i dont wear footware, someone asked me,
"why do you stop just at footwear?  why not reduce other needs too, and not wear any clothes at all? ...why dont you show how brave you are to the society?

well..  i was dumbstuck, when someone asked me this question..  (its the exact type of question, i mentioned above).
...of course, one reasons is..  i will develop at MY OWN speed.. not at the speed others want me to.
but, then, dont I push others to increase their speed of development.. becoz its for their own good?

i do.  i confess..  and, will definitely try to work on my rudeness..  but,

it still doesnt answer my question..  how can you show someone, that they are pushing YOU too far?
how can you block such a question in a nice manner?

(this time, i leave you, without my attempt at answer..  becoz, i am still thinking about it).

blog idea turns in to blog ;)

blog idea: the longing for alpha male, is often depicted as the only or best love partner for females..

(one example which hit me right now was, a scene from the movie, percy jackson and lightning thief.. alexandra daddario and percy's fight scene. (I dont know which actor plays percy) where only after percy defeats her in a sword fight, and comes out as a champion of that school/group, her love lights up?

Though, its never that often for men... any (good looking) orphan can be his (hero's) damsel in distress... isn't time to throw away that archetype?

… and stories from other point of views are not likely to appear in main stream media or most popular media.. i.e. ordinary people finding their preferred partner in a cooperative way (rather than competitive... I am gonna tear your guts.. intensity?)

Why cant 2 people not bothered by each others status, but LIKE each others company be together? Two people who are Compatible get together?

And it shouldn't be termed or viewed as derogatory or out of selfishness or lone focus on money... (that's how mainstream media tend to show such relationships... of course, there could be such relationships, but there are positive relationships, even though those 2 people can be different from each other in multiple ways -

one example i feel is, from 'game of thrones, season 1 - the relationship between Khal Drogo & Daenerys Targaryen - (if you haven't seen it or read the book, please try it)... its a fictional story written by RR Martin, but, it does show, there are multiple shades to such relationships, and not just a single point of view.  its not an exact example, but i am using it to convey an idea...

its such a sad world at times, but the good thing about it is..

it gives us so many opportunities to improve ourselves so easily..

keep going..

december blues

hi... am a bit down now,
as new year is approaching
what did i do in this whole year?

is a question which keeps falling
like snow in winter...

an anti-depressant of
counting newly acquired frnds
on FB is at times effective,...
 like a modern yoga pose!

it works like this...
stare at your smartphone,
swipe, swipe, stare...
give a mirthless laugh,
Like Conan does,
in his online comics...

are we too in now?
inside the net... Internet?

its a joke...

Looking now into the next day,
imagining the question it will unfold,

As today, i have folded up some questions
into the shape of answers,
with a slight idea that they were
half the truths...

which makes the future, our true friend
as they show us what is
real, truer & lasting...
often presenting it in dark humorous way,

what can i do, expect
bear this whacky friend
while improving MY
sense of humour...