Disorder X

I heard that she has come

Here in this gathering,

I do not look,

Do not trust my eyes anymore,

I see her everywhere.

On a slow fire

I constantly simmer,

Can’t seem to get

Enough time to even think,

Even though I just do that all day.

Where wave after wave rolls in,

To retreat,

And like the sea,

I also don’t seem to get tired, bored,

To imagine and re-imagine

When the contact happens,

And it swings between

Acceptance or rejection,

But either way I am swinging… 

Days pass, where I pretend

To be physically present

Except my eyes,

They want to go inside,

Be with those thoughts

In that dark cave 

Which doesn’t seem to have

The desire to push them out

Back to the edge of existence,

To gather light rays to be illuminated,

Her thoughts are enough….

I stop playing

In the middle of a computer game,

Give up reading a book

In the middle of a page..

Every song I hear

Seems to be talking about her,

Goofy grins in my face appears out of nowhere,

My friends are getting scared

Of my (empty) stares,

Even jokes and pranks

Seem too loud to me now. 

It is a disease... man, its disorder X.