her blog...

that did it.. pushed him off the precipice. That he was holding on to for his dear life all these years..

a blog it was.. her blog, frankly stating simple emotional states blog... few lines blog...

the precipice was a blog as well. his blog..

A pretentious one, covered up as intellectual analysis of society and its systems, he kept analyzing to find what was holding him back. With its 100's of entries, full of abstract descriptions and concepts outside...

the precipice was, that 'outside'... and when he fell, he fell into 'inside'..

isn't the inside actually the outside as well? Doesn't the inside create that outside?

Maybe he wanted to fall, and been preparing for it all these years. Each blog entry reflected that process, that journey down.

But it cant be a guide for anyone else.. as it is subjective process, journey... (but, like everyone else, he too would read wise words of others to find, that inside).

And the questions that now haunt him is.. what is happening inside?

What emotions am i feeling?

What are my inner constructs?

How come so many dualities or even multiplicities exist, as we go deeper? Shouldn't everything become sharper, clearer?

Why is pain at times perceived as pleasure and vice versa?

Is there a right & wrong? ... and is there a point in finding out any answer? Or is it that the pupose of life – to keep looking for a purpose?

And only when you are honest to yourself, flashes of understanding will hit you?

And its always flashes.. maddeningly so. Never long enough to transform.

(just as i got a flash of insight, or epiphany at the beginning of this blog, i started writing this.. but, it has disappeared now.. leaving me more confused).

Seems like, its the same fight, same game with same rules that's been going on at my 20's, and 40's.. and will be there when i reach the 60's as well.

Yes, this is milestone.. i am addressing that, I, myself now... looking in directly at myself.

Its frightening and very unknown.. but i am there.. and waiting for new experiences to register..