2 cartoons...

1:





2:

What is a 'good' relationship?

When 2 people, come together, connect on the basis of common values (aspects they agree as common purposes)...

and directions in which they'd like to move ahead.. shape themselves and others & world..

and in ways, which seems to them as fair and just.. without harming them & others & world.. (i.e. internally & externally).

Then, they'd feel that – together they can achieve more... and

they complement each other..

balance each other..

compensate for each others weaknesses & strengths...

when one person is particular about something, some way, the other person is not particular & can let go...

take lead or follow... with awareness.

then, that relationship, connection would be really worth trying for.. worth keeping on..

(there are so many relationship addicts, who hope for a miracle relationship for all their problems.. I have read & seen, some people suffer through blatant physical harassment, for many many years. For some, its till death.. even though they are not really masochists. (I mean, mental harassment can be not so easy to objectively see, as concrete as physical evidence, and easier to deny at times)..

and, other people, when they hear such an incident narrated, often wonder, “why didn't she/he realize, that abusive partner is lying and repeating abuse, all these years? How dumb can it be? .. (its judgemental, and the victim of such abuse shouldn't so judged).

But, I do wonder, why does it takes, otherwise, a logical, rational, intelligent person, sometimes doesn't realize they are in a trap, 5 years, 10 years, or multiple narrow escapes of getting murdered etc? Etc? Why are they willing to allow children to be similarly endangered as well? … my guess is, they really are not figuring out, what is a 'good' relationship. (of course, relationship is not necessarily, a family, marital, business/professional etc. it can be any relationship.. any kind of partnership, team).

So, to figure out, whether a relationship, a partnership, a team is worth keeping... we have to have an idea.. where will it go? What would be the status of both of us in this relationship a bit ahead in future? Will it be up-down or will it be based on equality?

Generally, when 2 people meet for the first time, their status, information level, age, resources, emotionality, skills, awareness (self / others), confidence etc wouldn't be similar.

But the general directions, they'd be heading would be towards, a more equal contributions and development of each other – as an empowering person... towards a flat level of hierarchy.. an equal status (maybe friendship can be used to indicate such a relationship, where there is mutual respect, where both are strong, and not only allowed to be so, but encouraged as well.. and without a power-control game as a hidden agenda in their interactions. (of course, getting over fear of being open about who you are, and what you want out of life, to your partner is essential.. otherwise, its a sham, charade and often worse than hard imprisonment).

So,a good relationship should lead to that equal status, sometimes gradually – but, definitely in that direction.. in that direction of empowerment... and towards equal status/ friendship – regardless of personal differences in information, age, gender, education, resources, skills, talents etc. a level – where they can treat each other as equals, in an informal way.

But if a relationship is not going to change towards this equality, then it leads to distress, depression, suppression, sacrifice, exploitation... for both partners.

Even the one partner, the exploiter – is weakened, cheated out from actualizing as a human being - because, our human spirit doesn't grow through resources we gain through exploitation. The exploiter may end up in the language of media – rich and powerful, but, in reality, they remain insecure, greedy and mere shadows of their real human spirit, as they remain hoarders of wealth... (otherwise, why would a person with 10 billion, try to earn 10 more billion? After a billion, doesnt it all become a number game? Just like, whether you score 50 thousand points on a video game, or 75 thousand?).. and do they really connect with another human being?

There are many reasons, fear, insecurity, image of life long obligation (slave mentality), indoctrination, conditioning etc. which can take us towards, taking the short cut of being in exploitative relationship (we exploit or we get exploited.. or both can happen in the same relationship)... maybe UN-intentional, - that keeps us wrapped in such traps.

Often without awareness... what is a 'good' relationship is supposed to be.. and that it will lead to 2 people, becoming more self-aware, confident, accepting in a non-judgemental way and leading to self actualization... but often in our society, the hierarchy never change... and both partners suffer, as they are unable to connect in a mutually satisfying way!

Often I hear, one person alone cannot change the world. But, one person doesn't have to change the world.. (if one person tries to meet every other person in this world, at 7 billion plus people, it would take, if every person is talked to for just 1 minute, it would take 1400 years!). So, each one of us, just have to focus on the people we interact with.. not every one.. the people we feel its worth having a partnership of any nature, any relationship with.. and try to see, whether can it be made into an empowering, equal relationship..

then the world might change... eh.. mate?

what is online (text) chatting?

On the Internet, chatting is talking to other people who are using the Internet at the same time you are. The technology developed in 1960's.. but picked up in the 1990's. Now, could this be looked as one specific type of communication?

Basically, verbal/oral & non-verbal (written, sign language, kinesthetic/braille), would be 2 types, communication is segrated into. There are formal, non-formal, etc... also, one-to-one, group etc. Are some other types. But, as a modern phenomena, if we take out, just the 'internet chat' as one type of communication, how will it be analyzed?

Here, i am defining, this 'chat' as, “2 people, typing on keyboards, rapidly, with each other.. reading & typing text”... i am not including video chat, and skype chat etc.. only the text chat. (keeping it very specific, for analytical purposes).

The keyboard is supposed to be, a computer keyboard, big in size. Of course, some people may be able to chat rapidly, on smart phones as well, and whatsapp has 600 million consumers. But, i am trying to keep, a big keyboard in, to indicate, a chat, which goes on for some considerable time... where both people are pretty fast at typing. (which means, just saying couple of greeting &/ few lines of information is excluded as well).

Because, the purpose is, to figure out, what are the advantages of such a rapid text chat, where multiple concepts are discussed, with some element of debate included. Its like intensely discussing an idea or ideas, with multiple insights given and taken. An idea storm or thought storm (a friend recently told me, 'brain storming' is inappropriate term, as its a condition which happens to epileptic patients).

How many of us, have had this experience? Very intense chat sessions, based only on text? (its very important to distinguish, this aspect, as, when you are chatting this way, lots of other cues are missing... visual, voice (tone), etc. This lack of other aspects /shades of communication can be harmful, but it also can help to keep the focus, solely on sharing ideas, concepts, in a rapid way. (of course, both persons should be able to read, type, understand English (or a common typable language), and grasp quickly and respond.

I have had great chat sessions.. upto an hour or more.. where multiple hypothesis, exploration, information exchange etc. Happened very quickly. (of course, i have had massive misunderstandings, and fights as well, but fortunately much less than the positive chats).

And, at times, i feel, its like a computer game (video game). Some of the things, which you are going to say, (going to do) would be familiar to you.. but what makes it all interesting is, you dont know how the other person will react. Even if its an old friend, changes might have happened in them, new viewpoints, beliefs, faith might have taken place... and unexpected debates can happen.. or a question about a small detail, which one of us would have overlooked is taken up, to transform both the concept and ourselves happen. (and sometimes, those chats become boring and very typical, and drag on till one of us becomes busy with something else).

And these chat sessions, the emotions they whip up... the way your relationship with the other person changes... just through reading text, the other person has written. (of course, its always good, when both have similar level of communication, and vocabulary etc. And most importantly, energy levels should be same.. along with free time to be able to chat uninterrupted).

And, i often prefer, this limited, text only medium as a communication... of course, sometimes, i find it easier to discuss sensitive topics, without inhibition... (it can lead to a conflict at times, but, with 2 right people, without much insecurity issues, it can reduce lots of other distractions and become very efficient way of communication). So, now, i've added on the title, (text)... to be specific.

I guess, everyone will have their own preferred ways of communication... and this is one of mine. But, its not easy to find a partner to text chat uninhibitedly.. so i resort to this.. blogging ;)

wish i could blog, some of my best chats... but, i am too lazy to save them... and too excited to think of using it for blog. So, no worries ;)

Not an Eulogy

(Eulogy: a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly, especially a tribute to someone who has just died.)

My friend's grandmother died recently.. she was well past her 90's. She had physical difficulties, associated with old age, but mentally she was amazingly young and sharp. But what mattered most was, she was a golden example of treating everyone, including herself in a humane way... it took me a long time to realize her qualities, and even longer to write about it down. As she would be the last person, who would expect an eulogy... and that's why 'this is not an Eulogy'. She just lived her philosophy rather than preaching it...  And, its my need to write, share my sense of wonder.. remember!

I met her, when i visited my friend's house. But didn't interact much in the initial years. She was already in her 80's and dealing with multiple physical ailments, and thus restricted in her movements. And even when i met and talked with her, it was in a polite, distant way. What can there be common between us?

But, slowly i realized, even though she knows and interacts with 1000's of people, she has a way of making everyone who talks with her feel special. She literally knows and interacts with that many people. But, when she talks with you, she would focus totally on that interaction, without being overpowering in any way. She was one of the best communicators i ever met.

I used to meet her, once or twice a year or less. But, she would remember, what we had talked last time, or even before, and will ask about that. And always in a polite, nice way. When with her, I wouldn't feel a need to analyze and complicate anything, she imbibed her sense of tranquility without being passive, to others. And thus there is not much description about her, but only appreciation of her qualities.

I have met many people who were miserable in their old age. Of course, its a time of multiple disabilities, loss of power, control and being close to an end with reduced hope as well.. and its understandable, that they would focus more on self centered communication, and often one way talk with reduced listening and feedback.

I always remember her as a shining example of how best a human being can become, and sustain it till the very end. Despite whatever limitations she faced, always radiated composed, secure and peaceful aura around her. May her spirit live forever!

on 'god bless america'..

isn't it like saying, god, please check the borders, and keep that blessing only those within this one nation.

Simialrly, you can say, develop only Mango, Papaya and jackfruit in organic way... and no other fruit.

Its the same, whenever it comes to, working for just one group, or few people – because, you belong to that group.

Thus, shouldn't any person, trying to overcome, descrimination against any one group, be aware and supportive of other groups, individuals who are trying to overcome descrimination – as well?

Wouldn't it be better to have a genderless world, rather than just focusing on women/feminism?

Wouldn't it be better to have, as a broad goal – where every human gets respect for their human rights? Rather than just one section of society, based on gender, caste, race, disability, learning difficulty, physical injury, or physical difficulty... birth conditions, occurred conditions, sexual orientations, age, economic status, educational level, occupational status, etc. Etc?

Of course, at times, one group may feel, sticking to their identity, fighting for their rights as their goal, and a needed area to focus.. but what should be the broader view? Long term view? How things should be in 22^nd century?

her blog...

that did it.. pushed him off the precipice. That he was holding on to for his dear life all these years..

a blog it was.. her blog, frankly stating simple emotional states blog... few lines blog...

the precipice was a blog as well. his blog..

A pretentious one, covered up as intellectual analysis of society and its systems, he kept analyzing to find what was holding him back. With its 100's of entries, full of abstract descriptions and concepts outside...

the precipice was, that 'outside'... and when he fell, he fell into 'inside'..

isn't the inside actually the outside as well? Doesn't the inside create that outside?

Maybe he wanted to fall, and been preparing for it all these years. Each blog entry reflected that process, that journey down.

But it cant be a guide for anyone else.. as it is subjective process, journey... (but, like everyone else, he too would read wise words of others to find, that inside).

And the questions that now haunt him is.. what is happening inside?

What emotions am i feeling?

What are my inner constructs?

How come so many dualities or even multiplicities exist, as we go deeper? Shouldn't everything become sharper, clearer?

Why is pain at times perceived as pleasure and vice versa?

Is there a right & wrong? ... and is there a point in finding out any answer? Or is it that the pupose of life – to keep looking for a purpose?

And only when you are honest to yourself, flashes of understanding will hit you?

And its always flashes.. maddeningly so. Never long enough to transform.

(just as i got a flash of insight, or epiphany at the beginning of this blog, i started writing this.. but, it has disappeared now.. leaving me more confused).

Seems like, its the same fight, same game with same rules that's been going on at my 20's, and 40's.. and will be there when i reach the 60's as well.

Yes, this is milestone.. i am addressing that, I, myself now... looking in directly at myself.

Its frightening and very unknown.. but i am there.. and waiting for new experiences to register..

difference between sex and gender...

pedophiles and many other type of sex offenders, such as rapists, sadists,(all the types of sexual behavior, where human right of another person is infringed, and violence and cruelty is done)... they seem to be males... and never female.. is that possible? 

 

Violent crimes done by females in comparison to males would be a very low.. or could it be that, some of it doesnt reach popular media.. ?

anyway, is it okay to make such a group difference based on gender? Could it be, based on the way females are suppressed? If females are allowed to develop as they want, and males too, maybe such a difference might not exist, that is, in a genderless world.. hypothetically that is..

and, what is the difference between 'sex' and 'gender'? What is politically correct? What should be the heading, when you want to write, whether a person is male or female? Should it be noted down, under 'sex' or 'gender'?? (to be honest, i didnt have a clear idea earlier, and just google it).

Wikipedia says, “The sex and gender distinction is not universal. In ordinary speech, sex and gender are often used interchangeably. Some dictionaries and academic disciplines give them different definitions while others do not”.

I am really surprised – there should be some universal standards, definitions for some concepts at least.. (its another big argument, we dont have a metric system, or which side of road should we drive, and so on as world standards yet).

Anyway, the basic problem I think is, the need to define a person on the basis of these 2 labels, male & female.. define people on the basis of physical characteristics... (in his book, 'identity and violence' amartya sen gives example of, dividing people on the basis of size of feet... similarly, why do you want to know my sex/gender or size of feet? To me, size of feet should matter, only when I am buying footwear.

But, humans seem to enjoy differentiating people into different categories, and creating groups. It only seem to add to suppression and violence and infringement of human rights.

I started thinking – are all animal species, bird species, bug species.. or in short, various other life forms in the world, divided into these 2 sex categories?? can every life form be divided in such a way?

Can even humans be divided in such a way? There are intersex people, who are born without fully developed sex organs, or with more than one sex organ and so on. Strictly speaking, from the medical point of view, this dual category could be more for convenience than, for scientific reasons. (there is a complex article, on who can be standardized as male and female, when it comes to athletics, olympics etc.. which came out, when an indian athlete was disqualified, after this person won a medal in Asian games (maybe in 2012 or so)... this person competed in female section of athletics, but based on complex hormone etc categories, lost out, as didn't qualify as a female.

So, why insist on such a duality? Why not allow multiplicity as nature again and again shows us as nature's way?? (I was about to refer to nature as her, but why should nature have such a thing? If I refer to nature as male or female, am I referring to sex or gender? …. maybe there is no need to so much analysis.. just realize, that there is no need to categorize humans into sex/gender/other physical based categories.. just as I should oppose, noting down my skin or hair color, or other physical descriptions, such as tall, short, or fat, or any other aspects like whether I have 11 or 12 fingers instead of 10... we should maybe start opposing noting down sex or gender down on forms, our self descriptions.

We have to start small... take one thing, which can lead to a genderless society... and oppose the norms.. any ideas?