Abstention v/s Activation

What happens when you want to keep writing blogs is… initially it seems tougher, but if you persist, then voila! Your fingers effortlessly type the same shit which otherwise would come huffing and puffing. Anyway, let’s get to the idea...

What’s more tough? Abstaining or doing something?

Well, I had gone to a small specialty restaurant just because it’s nearby. They have some not generally available dishes on their menu, and I ordered one such dish, which I earlier, and remembered it to be very tasty. I got my order, and a plate was kept on my table, and just the second before I was about to plunge my spoon and fork in, I tried to recollect its taste and almost shocked to realize that I had no recollection of that previous taste. I could have kept my spoon and fork down and walked out of there at that time.

I had ordered it out of a general recollection, but I had no specific recollection of the taste. And I remembered experiences shared by friends who had to go on a diet and had to fight the craving to eat their favorite but high fat dishes. Could the craving be due to their ability to remember or recollect those particular taste experiences very vividly? Does the cognitive processes of the brain play such an important role?

Obviously, the whole process of cognition would be cyclic, and level of interest would make those memories stronger, and thus those memories would be stored deeper, thus make them easier to recollect, which in turn… and so on.

Anyway I know since many years that it would be easy for me to follow dietary restrictions. I had as just like that, experimented by starving myself for 2 days consecutively, or eating one bowl of boiled sago (Sabudana is how it’s most common term for it in India, which looks like small white spheres made from tapioca roots). This boiled Sabudana had no sugar, salt or spices, which had no reason, but I just wanted to try it out, as deprivation of spices and salt often produce strong food cravings. But I could go through these days, without major struggles. (My lack of interest in food also is seen as an undignified characteristic by gourmands).

But this absolutely doesn’t work with cigarettes for me. I have experienced what Mark Twain told in a succinct way, “I can quit cigarettes any time, I have quit it 1000’s of times already”. I am now trying to empathize with dieters by linking this cigarette craving with their food cravings, as well as trying to apply what works for me automatically or unconsciously for me while following abstinence.

Abstinence of un-healthy activities is one issue, but activation & maintenance of healthy habits is another equally or even more important issue. Are these two more similar, or are they more different from each other? Something to think over…

R.O.C.K & R.E.B.T

Understanding ROCK climbing & REBT principles happened together for me last week. A group of us had gone to a hilly area, with a sea bay flowing near through it, situated in a rural / undeveloped place. The place we were in was a house on near top of a hill with somewhat wooded area surrounding it. There were kids too, from 5 onwards to 13 years of age. As the elders gathered together to chat, the kids began to get restless and I decided to explore the surrounding area with them.

We decided to check out the bay and some fishing boats there and they were visible from the place we were staying (about 6 of us). Instead of going through the paved path, we decided to go through ‘secret paths’ (actually some rough paths & not the regular road), which was accepted eagerly and we began our exploration. Although it was monsoon season, there was no rain, but some cloud cover reduced the intensity of the sun. Soon enough we encountered some rock patches and steep ways and the kids began to hesitate.

At first I could not understand the hesitation, because with my height of 5.11” it was easy for me, but for them those 2 or 3 feet rocks were as good as 5 or 6 feet tall rocks for me. This made me realize that I could help them to learn rock climbing principles, as with my height I could provide safety for them. Also I have been going for trekking and rock-climbing for the last few years. I knew it would be easy for me to hold them and help them to climb up or down, but that wouldn’t help them to learn. So I had to facilitate, which is easier said than done.

Initially, instructions and what not to do etc. automatically blew out from my mouth, and I began to realize that in order to get the things done I was imitating exactly what my elders had done to me and it is not facilitation. I had to pause each time such words and even whole sentences jumped out internally, and then paraphrase them or change them totally before speaking out. Incidentally, the number of times ‘NO’ automatically came while dealing with children was shocking in itself. How would I feel if someone behind me kept saying NO or stopped me from doing something even before I thought of it? It would ruin the fun of a picnic exploration, and would raise more self-doubts or would make me feel like rebelling without a regard for risks involved.

It evolved slowly, and I began to do more of observing than commanding. Our group dynamics also was changing, as the children seemed to understand unconsciously and as usual were much faster at adapting to the environment around them. From the earlier mode of the eldest person (me) as the restrainer and the children as the ones who try to stretch how farther they can go and our roles balanced out. Their sense of responsibility became visible (maybe because I was observing in a better way). And it was amazing how even the small ones were taking care of each other as well as teasing each other to perform. These things just happened and without holding on to the past resentment or gratitude they would race ahead.

One of the major things about rock climbing or walking through a non parallel area is sense of balance. We are habituated (especially city dwellers) to roads, flat surfaces, broad steps etc, and going through slops, steeps, rocks and other uneven surfaces becomes a major concern, and attempts to over balance oneself occur during these periods of fear proves to be counter productive.

I had to learn this during my trek and rock climbing expeditions with my experienced friends, and I learned through observing them. When a layman walks through a slope, to adjust for the slope, he/she slants own body for a sense of safety, but actually leads to reduced balance. But in actuality, leaning the body to a side increases the chances of slipping. Our ankle can be bent and thus flat side of our foot is what should press itself on to the sloppy surface; our body needs to remain straight. Well, not easy to understand, so let me use an example.

Suppose Tom is walking in the direction of bottom of this page to top, and the page slopes towards left side about 25 degrees. His tendency will be to twist his upper body towards the right side (maybe about 25 degrees), which seems common sense, but it increases the probability of him slipping to left. Humans do such things automatically or instinctively. Of course lots of practice might help us to learn the proper way to walk on slops, but often such learning’s remain unconscious or we remain unaware about the principles behind our actions. There is one more thing which stops us from learning and that is if we rigidly hold on to our beliefs formed during those fearful moments.

Suppose Tom is told this principle, will it make him change his posture immediately & make him walk the proper way? Chances are low that such a change will happen immediately even when we become aware of the right principle. We might follow the more risky behavior or avoid practicing all together.

Then what to do? How to teach children who would be even less willing to listen to theoretical gibberish? Give them time, and give them opportunity to practice. And that’s what happened on that day, though I had to fight with my instincts to help them, or command them or make them learn immediately. I had to change my reasonable demand, “since I am putting in so much effort, they should master the task immediately”, and remind myself repeatedly of an unreasonable expectation that, “this is just one day, and they will learn as much as they can during this opportunity”.

Well, of course, this story did have a happy ending, as towards the evening, the once hesitant kids were walking through the slops by bending their ankles and the body straight, willing to use their muscles in newer ways, and with a sure sense of balance in their style. Though much of my learning that day was not so visible, my pride might have shown through though...