emotions...

Does emotions cause pain and hurt? ... On their own? Don’t we interpret them according to our wants (or needs)...

Its like, I don’t want to be angry becoz I might do something aggressive, which might disrupt my goals, or

I don’t want to be depressed; becoz then my schedule will be delayed, as I won’t be able to finish before my deadline... or things like that? (Don’t the emotions basically take away our time we have set for ourselves, rather than anything else?

Its also the cyclic propulsion which the emotions can create - makes us fearful of them.. i.e. if I am feeling depressed, then my actions tend to be passive or inactive, which in turn leads to further hopelessness and helplessness... and becomes a vicious cycle...

This also makes us feel we lose all control over ourselves and that emotions take over us... (Our thinking also gets influenced by the state of emotion we are in... we I can’t think straight, when we are in intense emotional turmoil).

But if we have awareness of the emotion, and can observe their affect on us, as a third person (not completely as a third person, but with some attachment), then can we manage emotions? Does it lead to derealization or depersonalization… where integrity of the ‘self’ gets challenged?

These emotional states, in their different forms, in their different shades are also required for us to deal with everyday life situations.

For example, if i am forced to stay inactive (even though i am feeling very energetic and excited), then i will tend to feel frustrated, and which will lead to helpless and hopeless feeling (an example can be, when you are excited, but you are on a bus, or a long train ride, with nothing much to do).

The helpless feeling which we feel then, downs our energy, and takes us to a mild depressed state, which helps us better to deal with the inactive time period... by making us think and introspect. (So even such a state of emotion can be useful).

faith

Love is faith... And to take that leap of faith, to go into that ‘free-fall’, is not easy, and barriers within the mind needs to be broken to reach that state. (Free fall is what sky divers experience, when they jump from 1000’s of meters above).

It’s similar to faith in god, where that faith allows you to prostrate in obeisance, or kneel with absolute trust, setting aside your ego, giving up yourself… it’s like spiritual and it teaches you to be humble and to face one of our (human) great fear – giving away ourselves, submerging totally into one – one as supreme being in religious context.

Of course making oneself so vulnerable and open like this can lead to pain as well – and in love too the fear of rejection, breakup and the pain that follows is seen as existential crisis. Such a state of feeling insignificant, powerless, angry at letting self be vulnerable, stupid or altogether humiliated is not easy to accept.

But then humbleness is not easy to digest and that’s what we fear of, “what will happen if I am not accepted”? but without such a level of trust, without ‘self’ at stake, we cannot possibly can have acceptance either… whether its love or faith.

But the humbleness make us realize a lot of things, be more aware and open up multitudes of channels, connections, so that you could be more closer or widen comprehension with the world or universe around us… (or maybe its just within us).

This universe is not made of just things or materials, but of emotions, experiences as well and by going through difficult, rare experiences, we mature, become stronger as well.

When will one realize something like this is happening? Some of the symptoms could be:

Willingness to give without conditions, generous to accept another person, care without a care, and accept affection with pleasure and relate without pulling power-strings, but just being.

Did this all happen to me? I am not sure what’s dream and what’s not… and I don’t care to know.