whats true self?

What is self awareness? What is your true personality or true self? For human beings, its never totally genetic or pre-programmed.

Some evolutionary theories say, whats called as homo-sapiens-sapiens are the present human beings. Sapien means wise or elder. Remember, sapiens is used twice... its like version 2. and these present day humans (living since probably 2 hundred thousand years), have less programming and have to learn to change to adapt to the world they are born into.

You dont have to teach an animal or bird to eat and other many things. A human child on the other hand is pretty helpless for few years or even more. Because, there is less focus on instinct and pre programming and its learning. But this gave human beings a great advantage, in earth, which was changing rapidly. And now you know the reason for generation gap as well ;)

anyway, to sum up, we humans learn a lot from outside world, other people etc. we also have different perspectives, and thus even identical twins growing up in same house, same parents, similar outside influences grow up with different personalities.

Why do twins evolve (after birth) with such differences in their personality? Well, it can be reasoned that, the same event, happening, situation can evoke different perception / viewpoint in 2 different people. And that makes us unique... each one of us is unique.. and until we can accept that, we will feel miserable. (because, another part of us wants to be connected and be part of the majority... but we can be unique and still be connected).

In an earlier blog, there was something about, 'travel alone' to find your true self. Actually there is no guarantee that it will have the same effect / impact on 2 different people. But, there would be some similarities as well.

But even then, what the hell is this 'true self'? Well, to be true, maybe nothing like that exists.. but, a more open and rounded up self can be realized through travel.. and traveling alone.

What could occur when you travel alone is, that you would be exposed to things/situations/people you otherwise wouldn't be exposed. Thus, overall, your option to imbibe more data about the outside world increases... and thus, rather than select from a limited option, we get a chance to select the best from much more varied and rich sources.

That's what a more 'true self' would indicate.. (and many thanks to my friends, who ask such questions... accepting without analysis and questioning would be useless and I am really happy to be able to improve mine & others level of understanding too).

If you do ask questions, then you already are on that way..

Basically, we need to realize, what's taboo in one culture is embraced in another.. and when you become aware of more than 1 cultural practices, the need to feel proud (due to insecurity) about own culture disappears, and chances are your inner-self will get expressed rather than conditioned-self.

We as human beings, which is but one of the many species of living beings in this earth, have many limitations... we have to accept them but also accept our strengths and explore ahead, without Anthropocentrism of course (its there in wikipedia ;)...   anyway, i have to stop, gotta watch matrix 1, there's something i want to analyze about that movie...

short story 3: Not that Crazy

Not that crazy.

Solah baras ki baali umar ko salaam, pyar teri pahale nazar ko salaam…(Salute to 16^th year of youth, Salute to first glimpse / experience of Love…)

But is there a first and last stage in love?

Is it any different at 32 or at 64?

I decided to ask my grandfather first and he said, oh? First love? It was when my English teacher at my college smiled and touched my cheeks, when I wrote the only essay on lost paradise, maybe gori mem’s are allowed to do that in England; he trailed off… And me too.

Asking father about it was beyond unthinkable. He’d mostly take me to that doctor who calls me schizophrenic or to others who call it as ‘lack of will power’…

But I am deviating from my first question. Does love have a ‘first stage’? Isn’t it the pleasure that accompanies it which makes it sought after thing? Questions are a bad way to start off with, as they usually lead to more complicated ones. Endless like the TV soap operas... it’s a joke, you know. My uncle would have laughed at it, not the others here.

Well, to get some answers to my question, I waited till my favorite consultant came along, my uncle who lived in a far off city. My mother called him ‘mad’ secretly. Of course I had told about this to my uncle, but he reassured me easily by saying, “all sisters think of their brothers that way”. Actually my uncle never talks; he has this lyrical way of saying even the most mundane things as if it’s a poetical verse. I would try to hang on to his every word. He also never called me ‘crazy’ and would explain that having schizophrenia is not a crime, but it’s a disease I happen to have. It is caused by imbalance of chemicals in the brain, one of the chemicals is known as serotonin.

I remember everything when he explains it, even the complicated things. Whenever others ignore me or look at me with disgust I remember what he once told me. I had returned form a short hospitalization as my parents had stopped giving me medicines as they had found a new Baba who promised to cure me fully. I was happy to get rid of the medicines in the beginning, but later on wanted them back because of the terrible unknown fears played with me until I couldn’t even scream against them.

After my return from hospital I was shunned away and usually told to stay in a far corner of the house. It was as if I deliberately made everyone else fail. “You made us lose our face even to the Baba” was repeatedly told to me. I would feel very bad and sad and confused as I really couldn’t remember much of that time. Used to feel that I am the worst person in that whole town, worse than even the thieves & murderers of our town.

One day, as usual I was crying carefully over it in my ‘favorite corner’ (others had labeled that corner as my favorite by then). I daren’t cry with tears those days because if I am caught crying with tears in my eyes, then my father would shout at me till I felt like running away, or my mother herself would start crying unstoppably and my father would shout and…

Well, to keep it short, my uncle came and put his hands on my shoulder and smiled at me… and told me, “hey buddy, you feeling sad because you are crazy? “Somehow holding my tears I nodded repeatedly. He patted my shoulders and said, “You know, almost everyone feels at times, that it would be better to go crazy and lose all control”.

I was amazed, and just stared at him. Then he looked far away and continued, “Yes, to escape from all these rules, to do what one feels like and blame it all on being crazy. Who has not thought that way more than once? He continued his song, but I had heard what I needed to; because till then it had never occurred to me that others might resent me for the state I am in…

I also am one of them,

Of human beings,

And at peace…

Yes, after a year he came, my uncle and my first question was about love. At first he just ruffled my hair and said, “Oh, my boy is all grown up now, eh?”, and walked away. But I followed him after lunch till he gave up, (I also knew he hated to smoke with me near him). “Well, my boy, just like there is no difference between being crazy the first time or the 100^th time or being crazy at 16 or 64; love also doesn’t have such differences… He stopped his verse then and asked me, “are you in love buddy?”.

I looked back at him squarely and replied, “Even I am not that crazy”. My uncle looked at me quizzically and then started laughing. Now I am the one who’s cracking jokes…

But soon my parents had a talk with my uncle and he became unusually quiet that whole after noon. But I knew he’d talk to me during our evening walk together to the temple. He never entered the temple but always would call out loudly to my mother, “we are going to the temple to pray”, and wink at me. I would also wink back at him. It was a routine thing, but it always made me feel like being on the inside of a joke.

Anyway, as soon our house disappeared from view, my uncle asked, “something happened, something happened, right? I heard a new social worker girl had come to rehabilitate”. He struggled with that long last word. “Is that why you asked about love?” His words now sounded bit broken. “Would you tell me everything?” He added ‘please’ as an afterthought.

I looked at him back with a strange realization. His face now seemed to have more creases and his voice seemed to have lost some of its melody.

I felt even my uncle is growing old like grandfather… “Well, of course I will tell you everything my uncle”, I started with unconvincing hilarity. I can’t make it into a song like him, I realized but braved on. You see, there was this girl, yes she called herself a social worker but she told me her name when I asked her. She would talk to me a lot and her eyes would stare at me and she would smile a lot. Mother and father were bit wary of her but she’d come every week to meet me.

Even though she talked about a lot of nonsense things, I liked to listen to her. At times strangely she would stop and tell me to talk and if I stop talking at these times she would become nervous and try to get me to talk more. At times I even felt like making up some problems and telling them to her, but as I liked her I didn’t lie.

One day she wanted to take me out to town. Mother was really worried but she let her. I was really happy to go out with someone other than a nervous family member. We went through the town and reached a new big building. Even though it was early evening it was lit up by hanging lights all over. There were many glass windows full of things. A new shopping mall, a really big one, it was, as she had told me. Can we go in for a look? I asked her with a big smile and to my surprise, she took my hand and we went in there. A big x-mas tree all lit up and gleaming new things were all around us.

I thought I found someone just like you uncle and laughed. Go on, my uncle gently prodded me. Yes, and as we stared around the mall, she still was holding my hands and were both laughing happily.

Then a guy came across us and she stopped smiling and our hands broke off. But I smiled at him. He ignored me first and asked her, “So this is the new guy who is crazy about you, eh? Or is he just plain crazy?” And made a strange laughing like sound. Then he turned to me and said in a slow drawl… “Helloo, good-evenijg, can-you-understand? Helloo, can-you-talk?” It was really strange, so I just stared at him. Then she suddenly burst out, “how dare you, he’s a schizophrenic, you should treat him nicely”. I was bit scared now as well, and the guy seemed shocked. Then she tried to grab my hand and drag me away and I punched her on the face… not hard though, but at that moment I couldn’t have cared.

“Then you ran away, right”? My uncle broke the sudden silence and brought me to that evening walk back. “Why buddy? Why did you do that? I don’t believe you did it because you are crazy”, Then he calmly waited for me to finish his sentence. “I was more angry at her than scared, because she was being nice to me all along because I am schizophrenic, not because I was nice to her and…” I somehow vocalized my thoughts for him and anxiously waited for his reaction.

“So, even you are not that crazy… now I get it”, my uncle completed for me and I too joined him as his loud laughter echoed from the temple’s stonewalls.

travel alone....

then all your pretensions fall down,
the real you emerges...

even if you are with a close friend,
even if he/she knows all about you
or even if you don't want to be away from any person,
and all such excuses,
merely indicate, you need to travel alone, my friend.

it takes a few moments (or days) of lone travel,
to reach the real you, inside...
so give that time for self,
as everything starts from there,
even the old excuses, you keep giving.

and to overcome those excuses,
just travel alone...
to strange places, where you dont know anyone!

travel alone... 
to meet people, otherwise you would never
have a sane reason to meet,
expand your awareness about self
and about cultural beliefs & opinions...

travel alone, my friend...
to meet like minded people,
who believe in being positive,
to be in harmony, to be balanced
to be pushed into new experiences...

and travel alone my friend...
to be a hippie...
its no religion, not even a commune,
but a way of thinking..
but if the word hippie scares you,
dont travel alone, stay home in comfy chair
because thats you then, doing your thing..

finally, yes, travel along my friend...
to connect with the universe...
as its when you interact with total strangers,
you find your true self, unmasked and real.

and that gives you happiness,
like you never felt before,
that you don't even think
about updating your status online,
or maybe you will do!

travel alone is not being alone...
its not about being lost in yourself,
take initiative to open up to others,
and be yourself...

being yourself means,
break away from old patterns and doubts
challenge your conditioned & predictable personality
make yourself a new person for others and that place.

travel alone, my friend...
you have suffered enough,
its time to rediscover your inner child
add nature to your friend list...

End of Disability...

Can we eliminate disability from our world?

A time, when there will be no disabled people in our world... can it be possible?

Of course, you readers should be skeptical.  But lets try to find some reasons for this hope.

Who is a disabled person? Someone who is not able.  But is there any person, who is not able to all? Does a physical problem make that person disabled?  Its only those who think they are not able, are the only truly disabled.   And in that same way, we cannot define who is NORMAL person, or what is Normalcy..  We are all human beings and we should celebrate our Uniqueness &/ Diversity.

Everyone actually has some strengths and weaknesses – in comparison to other human beings.  Not all human beings are equal in every way.  There will be differences of gender, heritage, region you are born in and region & conditions you are brought up in.  Level of immunity will differ, parenting styles will not be same for every human, and so is, skin, hair, voice, height etc. 

But, an enlightened person will try to utilize available resources to maximum level.  Using our creativity to deal with challenges is what makes our life spicy and worth living.  Rather than crying and being depressed about what is not available, leaves you in a pit made by yourself..  and its called as self-pit(y). 

 No one can escape discrimination and inequality in some way...  and thus, its easy to feel like a victim, and dependent.  The victim-hood is a favorite topic of media of other countries and they spread that feeling in the community.  Sympathy is shown to those who show that they are victims and helpless.  And aid is given to them, which keeps them dependent, and not help them to become independent.  This is a short cut.

Empowering someone should be the right approach.  Its not easy, and is difficult in the short term, but better in the long run. 

But where will the empowerment start?  Let's start with a famous quote, '”Be the change you want to be... in the world”.  You might have seen it and read it many times, but practicing it is very much required.  Of course its a quote by Gandhi, and today 2nd Oct 2014 is his 146th Birthday. 

For example, if you feel you have been discriminated against, or that you want to work for those who are discriminated and empower them, then... first be a role model of empowerment.  Do not shift the responsibility to some government, ministry, a group or to another person. 

Learn to stand up and communicate properly.  Learn to show qualities in yourself, so that others cannot discriminate you on the basis of your social stereotype, or community label.  If you have problem in one of the sense organs, or in the limbs, or in the mind, or one of the organs... don't let it become the center of yourself.

That is but just one aspect of yourself.  one part of your life.  Focus on your strengths and try to become a role model and be ready to show to the world that you are not helpless, you are not a burden... and that you are a person like any other, with some advantages and disadvantages...

Utilize your uniqueness to develop yourself and a valuable contributor in the society.  All the people who meet you would realize that their stereotype or label about a person with visual problems or so called disability is wrong... and one by one you will lead the social change.

There is widespread belief in the society that, people of certain race, region, gender, country, educational background, occupational group etc. Are inferior to others.  Do not just feel bad about such discrimination, if you are from one of those groups, which get discriminated. 

Empower yourself, put efforts into developing your skills.  Do not utilize that fire of hatred into feeling lousy and indulge in self pity.  That is a trap and that is easy to fall into as well.  

Instead, use that fire to energize yourself..   Focus on your communication skills, and increase your positive influence..   you will be able to see the discriminating mind set of society changing for the better through your influence.  Who doesn't wish for betterment?   But most lack initiative, so, be that initiator...    If you yourself remain withdrawn, crying, feeble and meek, then people will think that negative stereotype or label is true about your group.  and if you just sink back into self pity and inactive suffering, then aren't you actually are proliferating that stereotype by being one???

Just channelize that burning feeling inside you into empowering self and others.  You will see the difference, first on self and then on the viewpoint of others.  Thus show the world that its possible to end disability...  and create a world, where all humans are free to be themselves!

End cannot justify means...

The end does not justify the means.   What does it mean and why is it important to remember, even when it comes to positive change, known as development?

We must actually use sustainable development (SD), instead of just 'development' – as SD is a long term vision and not a short cut, or short term growth.  Please remember, development is and should be seen as SD... you will see the reason for adding this, as you read ahead.

Now back to 'The end does not justify the means' point – often human right violations, such as abuse, exploitation, violence are covered as a practical requirement, for a better future, a necessity for a good end result.

Countless rulers have used the excuse of Development, (that is development of their nation) – for waging wars, atrocities, genocide, biological warfare, imprisonment and even bombing out entire cities full of people.

And it is happening today as well, and every newspaper reading person will be aware of it. How many human rights violations have you read about, or experienced – which was done in the name of a nation or as a reason for national development in general?  Arresting people and beating them – violating their rights – in the name of national security, is another form of the same excuse.  As national security is required for national development.

In the same way, religious groups are targeted, harassed, mocked and even killed.  Using skin color to target certain groups, denying them full rights and keeping them as secondary citizens – because, they are portrayed as not worthy of contributing to the nations development, is another example, to justify abusive means or methods.  In the same way, political party members are targeted as well, blamed, shown as evil and bad.

And this is why, "The end does not justify the means".  The end result, or the goal can be a good or great one.  But the means to reach that goal or end result cannot be unethical or bad one.

Most of us are told, "end justifies the means", in different ways from our childhood, that is, to use any means possible to get our way – and as we grow up as adults, we see more and more such examples around us – people cheat, fake, copy, steal, lie, torture and even kill... for what they believe to be a good goal, a positive end result..  supposedly a better future.

It is easy to believe this cunning statement, 'Ends justify the means' – as it hides all the evil and exploitation – by showing a bright future.  But can bad and evil deeds and actions be accepted as a way to good? Gandhi was one person who focused on just means / fair methods, and he also tried to popularize "end does not justify the means".  and ofcourse, today, 2nd October 2014 is his 146th Birthday...

But some readers may not not convinced yet...

Here is another example - Using dangerous banned drugs in sports / athletics, to win gold medal – They won! They reached the end – the goal of winning...  would you accept it as the Right thing?

If not, then – imagine yourself as one of the sufferers, one of the discriminated, one of the accused, one of the tortured, or raped or killed.

Would you then accept it happily as your sacrifice for nation's development?
How can it be nations development, when the present citizens are troubled in the name of an imaginary future?
How can someone, who uses unfair and inhuman ways to reach his/her goal can be trusted in future to take care of you as well? Will you bet on such a person?  They are not hero's but villains.

So, voice your protest – against any such abuse, human right violation – done int he name of change for a better future, done against any religion, a political party, or any person. We all need to be aware and observant to realize, such schemes, as any leader can utilize such dirty tactics.   Remember that people who use negative means to achieve something – will become like Hitler, or Dictator Mussolini, once they get the power.  These 2 were most obvious examples.

so don't be late in raising your voice in opposition to political, or religious crucifications.  Make sure bad and evil means are not used with an excuse like, its all for development or betterment of people etc. Etc.

Voice your valuable opposition against such disgusting tactics.  Violence whether its physical or verbal – should not be accepted as a public means of communication.  And that is by following always – good and fair means, such as – ethical communication...  Not only for our nation, but for all of humanity.  and its not just for today, but for everyday.