another city... country

finally decided to write about my observations about being in a new country, new city. i shifted from india, bombay... (mumbai actually, or to be specific, few kilometers away from bombay, at thane city).

shifting to a country towards far east... and be amidst such a different place... never imagined. .. that's why i guess nothing can beat actual traveling experiences.

compared to bombay, this place is clinically clean.. as different as a hospital ICU is from a crowded market on a holiday... (that's the comparison which i can think of right now).

its not in a negative way or positive way... becoz i also miss the vibrancy and chaos of bombay (i like to refer to mumbai as bombay, becoz when i started living in that place, that's how it was called and i see no reason to change that terminology... (maybe coz i am apolitical).

anyway, i am drifting...

well... see ya next time.

travelling...

when Lynyrd Skynyrd sang free bird (lyrics by - allen collins - ronnie vanzant), never felt that i too would feel somewhat similar a day.. .

traveling to another country... it does give some kind of tension as well.. excitement and self doubts about being able to handle the challenges the new turf is going to throw at you.

will write more later... maybe from another geographical location...

free bird lyrics... those who would be interested.

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause theres too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I cant change.
But please dont take it badly,
cause lord knows Im to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
Cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird youll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.
Lord help me, I cant change.

and as a post script i leave with "bon voyage... " to self... (and isn't that what blogs are all about? and even everything else that we do?)

emotions...

Does emotions cause pain and hurt? ... On their own? Don’t we interpret them according to our wants (or needs)...

Its like, I don’t want to be angry becoz I might do something aggressive, which might disrupt my goals, or

I don’t want to be depressed; becoz then my schedule will be delayed, as I won’t be able to finish before my deadline... or things like that? (Don’t the emotions basically take away our time we have set for ourselves, rather than anything else?

Its also the cyclic propulsion which the emotions can create - makes us fearful of them.. i.e. if I am feeling depressed, then my actions tend to be passive or inactive, which in turn leads to further hopelessness and helplessness... and becomes a vicious cycle...

This also makes us feel we lose all control over ourselves and that emotions take over us... (Our thinking also gets influenced by the state of emotion we are in... we I can’t think straight, when we are in intense emotional turmoil).

But if we have awareness of the emotion, and can observe their affect on us, as a third person (not completely as a third person, but with some attachment), then can we manage emotions? Does it lead to derealization or depersonalization… where integrity of the ‘self’ gets challenged?

These emotional states, in their different forms, in their different shades are also required for us to deal with everyday life situations.

For example, if i am forced to stay inactive (even though i am feeling very energetic and excited), then i will tend to feel frustrated, and which will lead to helpless and hopeless feeling (an example can be, when you are excited, but you are on a bus, or a long train ride, with nothing much to do).

The helpless feeling which we feel then, downs our energy, and takes us to a mild depressed state, which helps us better to deal with the inactive time period... by making us think and introspect. (So even such a state of emotion can be useful).

faith

Love is faith... And to take that leap of faith, to go into that ‘free-fall’, is not easy, and barriers within the mind needs to be broken to reach that state. (Free fall is what sky divers experience, when they jump from 1000’s of meters above).

It’s similar to faith in god, where that faith allows you to prostrate in obeisance, or kneel with absolute trust, setting aside your ego, giving up yourself… it’s like spiritual and it teaches you to be humble and to face one of our (human) great fear – giving away ourselves, submerging totally into one – one as supreme being in religious context.

Of course making oneself so vulnerable and open like this can lead to pain as well – and in love too the fear of rejection, breakup and the pain that follows is seen as existential crisis. Such a state of feeling insignificant, powerless, angry at letting self be vulnerable, stupid or altogether humiliated is not easy to accept.

But then humbleness is not easy to digest and that’s what we fear of, “what will happen if I am not accepted”? but without such a level of trust, without ‘self’ at stake, we cannot possibly can have acceptance either… whether its love or faith.

But the humbleness make us realize a lot of things, be more aware and open up multitudes of channels, connections, so that you could be more closer or widen comprehension with the world or universe around us… (or maybe its just within us).

This universe is not made of just things or materials, but of emotions, experiences as well and by going through difficult, rare experiences, we mature, become stronger as well.

When will one realize something like this is happening? Some of the symptoms could be:

Willingness to give without conditions, generous to accept another person, care without a care, and accept affection with pleasure and relate without pulling power-strings, but just being.

Did this all happen to me? I am not sure what’s dream and what’s not… and I don’t care to know.

a water color

cool... i had not tried to publish a pic so far in here. so to experiment, i decided to up load one of my water colors.. done long back, which i got scanned recently. its titled village, with some houses, two strange (outside) people walking towards a dilapidated temple or a common structure / building there.

i am forced to draw in an abstract fashion, as i dont have the patience to draw realistically and neatly. But, i guess being able to do such abstract expression is a cool thing as well.

i hope i will feel like up loading some of my cartoon / comic strip type stuff here. Though, i have scanned them, they have to be kept as large files, otherwise the dialogue boxes are tough to read. maybe i should try to draw them on a software and type the dialogues in. i have some ideas for a series of strips... someday maybe?

Fragile

I just don’t get it.. Female’s usually like cute things.. And like small babies and fragile things..
And they really don’t care much about the most fragile thing in the world... the "male ego".
So quoted some guy. Of course, only a guy will say something like that.

But then again... the male – female differences are a reality too… (though I guess I should mention here that, am not saying anything against gender equality, becoz often exposure of such differences is seen as a derogatory thing). So with the disclaimer firmly in there, let me continue ;)

Well, I was watching some movie scenes, and in one, when a disaster strikes, the females in that place act bit differently (not all females will act that way, but in a general way, they have shown some characters who behave in that way).

Anyway, after they overcome the disaster, or a threatening situation, they all hug each other, but in a calmer way than males would have done. Also, they acted less aggressively than males generally would do (or as male’s are shown in movies). But then, there’s the adrenalin as well... maybe it kicks out faster and more in males… which could be one of the reason, along with how they are brought up.

Similarly, I have observed in group settings... such gender differences… girls or women tend to talk more about relationships, care about birthdays… and the fun things that guys consider are more bashful and loud stuff. Females tend to notice and talk about dress designs, jewellary or some such things which often males are unaware about their existence. I guess I am not talking about anything new, and maybe its politically incorrect as well… but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to observe such behavioral differences. (man, I better stop, I am overloaded with cliché’s right now).

Well, but before I leave, a question (as usual), how much reality do movies portray? Doesn’t movies and real life copy from each other? And my guess is that there are lots of movie buffs out there ready to take it on… ;)

alien

Met these 2 ppl from another country... far far away...
Since today evening, one of my friend was having a show of his drama, which is partly based on indian mythology (or Hindu mythology), i was planning to see it. my friend is the writer, director, actor in this play, and had consulted me to talk about the flow of emotions and mythological aspects... I must have felt flattered as well... (ego & fame are addictions... deadly or not is a matter of debate).

Well, these 2 ppl from another country want to check out this Indian (or Marathi) play as well… and so we go.

The play deals with mythological issues, and how reincarnation and blind belief’s are so prevalent among the population (especially in India)… many of the dialogues are between a husband and a wife.

I was trying to see the play from the point of view of these 2 ppl from another country… and then it struck me that, the scenes between husband and wife depict the wife in a submissive role, from another cultural view point, where gender equality is more common. From an Indian viewpoint, I would have noticed it at all. Its like a natural flow or natural happening from an Indian setting. How many others could see this inequality which was hidden at a subliminal level behind the protruding blind faith images? I couldn’t figure that out.

I had a long chat with these two ppl from outside my country… Many insights about my own reflexive actions and beliefs deriving from my Asian origin (in general) flashed in front of my eyes. Things which I take for granted, without bothering to think or analyze from another cultural view point.

Gender inequality, obsession with sex and purity, traditional blinders, social-cultural conditioning and many many more concepts… how may of us even get a chance to think about them?

Thanks friends... Swedes by the way… and we could also talk about the stereotypes about Swedes in general prevalent all over the world, and how they could have formed were also part of discussion.

Even though I like to claim that I am a global citizen, I realized how difficult it is to go and think beyond your regional (state/country) identity… as well as your gender identity… and so many more segregations and segmentations. Sometimes humans behave so irrationally and illogically, that it has to be viewed in a humorous way otherwise it may become too painful. Like, how many feel that they are aliens in their own culture or country? How many feel that they are persecuted minority? And is there ever a majority? Aren’t we all in some way or another a minority… and persecuted at times? Of course, global understanding maybe a philosopher’s stone (or myth)… but it’s a nice dream.. what do you have to say?

Bye for now…

random thoughts?

Blogs... Its for those people with a need to publish... Shout out at nothingness…

Why cant just play the game without worrying of whether we are winning or losing? Or something like that..

Philosophizing has always been easy.. (for me).

well... wouldn't it be nice, to be like that.. without a care.. just going with the flow?

Trying to make the world a nice place. We remain dreamers.. idealists... But its nice though.. that's true..

Though playing with zest, with jelousy, with vigour to win is also nice... isn't it?

We want to do it in various ways..

The above conversation made me think of a book called 'The diceman' written by a guy called Luke Rhinehart.

A part of it (one page).. was somewhat like this below:
A guy's wish to do everything... win in stockmarket, write a bestseller, do great community work, explore unknown, build big corporate empire, make a great movie, and such stuff.. and then do all these things in various styles... (i.e. carelessly, seriously, like superman, like micky mouse etc. etc)...

But these desires doesn't take him anywhere.. or takes just zaps him all over the goddamn universe without actually anything happening out of it. and as he wants to achieve them all.. so he is unable to do even one of it well... and remains a slave of the social image.. the propogand to be big sucess eats up the free human spirit.

They are social goals... carrots on a stick created by media, society, culture etc. to keep the being on the run, on the race.

The rebellion, or goals which oppose the media images given above... also are in a way product of the same media...

Because, rebellion is the 'anti' of that image.. for example, "I dont want money", or "I dont want to do that".. etc. comments/values/beliefs are are some examples.. they are jsut direct contrasts of it - reactionary rebellions.

But how to break out? break out in a pure form? that's a challenge. Or its a big farce as well.. what is originality ?

Isn't searching for it, itself a big media image of an intellectual? a dreamer?

Is there a way out of this circle? haha.. now the seeker of originality ends up with paranoia as well...

another random thought. Try thinking back about your college / univ. days... or your previous academic year's efforts. How much of it is of actual use? If you try to re-read those books and try to understand or do something on your own, how well do they seem to serve that purpose?

Weren't those academic authorities making you run after false targets by creating false threats? (just like in the military, where obeying a superior officer's commands without questioning them is drummed into the soldier's mind till it becomes almost like an instinct... that obeying seems like the right choice or the only choice?)...

Any random one's from you?

dilbertblog

Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert comic strip) writes fabulous blog. http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

I wrote this as a reply to his blog (dated 27-1-07), titled, ‘irrational atheists’, and about a 100 comments he had received. So maybe you will have to check out his blog first, before reading this. But even if you don’t, I guess what’s written below will make sense (I hope). This is a topic I have been itching to write, so I decided to blog it as well.

My comments:
First of all, one need not argue about definition of atheism. A-theism formed after theism formed. Just like the term asocial won’t mean anything if there is no society.

Secondly, there is no need to argue against the number 1 trillion, becoz that number is not something provable (I guess Scott pulled it out through his now famous method).

Thirdly, there is no need to prove a god exists or not, because it’s a concept. The belief in god gives us emotional benefits, it doesn’t gives us anything else. (of course, many may not agree to this at all).

The concept of god (a superior being, a father/mother figure) can be understood as part of our survival mechanism. For example, a child after being bullied, runs home with teary eyes – with the belief that his home (and the elders there) will provide security and support he needs. God concept is just an extension of that need, just an extension of that sense of security / hope.

That’s why it’s said that, “there are no atheists in a trench”, the feeling of total helplessness makes us believe in anything which reduces that helpless feeling).

But if we keep our sense of security on a concrete concept (or a living being or a thing), its very likely that within our life time itself, we will see the destruction of that concept… or some weakness, which will (emotional) turmoil – and make us feel un-protected. So we have to base that sense of security on an abstract concept, which cannot be definable, and it has to be all powerful, timeless, and always beyond our comprehension.

The prayer and such meditative techniques also works if we try to focus on such an abstract, incomprehensible concept… becoz we will never understand it fully, and can keep on going till infinity (or endless like a horizon)… there is no fear of reaching an end of that quest.

The atheists are the people who are willing to let go of that security center outside them, becoz they have found it inside themselves. The believers first needs to be emotionally secure enough to leave home, then only they will be able to see outside the box… otherwise, their own mind will keep producing enough proof or reasons for them to stick to their beliefs.

Bertrand Russell once argued back to a creationist, “can you disprove that the whole world / universe was created just 5 minutes ago?” (no point in arguing I have memories of more than that much time, or that you can do carbon testing to show dinosaur bones that exist are millions of years old, becoz they all were created that way just 5 minutes ago).

So in a way it’s a no win situation. But still I try, as I don’t expect a divine intervention ;)

i would recommend Scott's blog. He churns out food for thought everyday, and writes it all with much more humor, and many other spices / masala – which makes him a super word-chef (the old term of word-smith to a writer seems too mechanical). More strength to your pen bud.

openly...

i was talking with a new young friend... about music (surprised? she's that cool!)... well, i started talking about a song i heard and liked, avril lavigne (i still dont know how to pronounce her name properly in french-canadian)...
anyway, i liked her this song called 'so much for my happy ending'... and it flowed out why... becoz she's openly bitching about her recently ex-boyfriend. i liked her honest frankness in expressing such a usually hidden emotional state.
i had written few poem lines based on that song or more like its theme's impact.
i will have to search for it, so i will post it later... haha
back to be blogging...
gooding feel...
;)

education etc.

Had been to a primary school in a rural area (about 100 km away from Mumbai)... and lots of things I used to take for granted blew up in my face.

The children in this school were from poor families, and its a government school where students don’t have to pay any fees for education (read non middle class school, which i am used to in general).

Most of the students ranging from age 6 to 10 years old, seemed under weight, and in comparison to middle class school students, not exposed or taught much. Many of them had poor pencil grip, were specking in pidgin variety of local language, and quite passive (low achievement need, or not much competitive). It seemed to be such a different world compared to a city school atmosphere.

India as still a third world country (or under-developed) hit me hard enough, I guess. Even though these rural school students also will have a school education certificate, they definitely would be at a great disadvantage if compared with same level middle class private school students. And I could imagine how much influence a school can have the attitude of a person.

Such schools and students would be common all over India. About 50% of the Indians would be as poor as these families from this rural school… and that many children go through such a sub-standard educational training. Can’t imagine what would be the impact of such a poor training and exposure they get and the meaning of ‘discrimination’ bared its fangs at me in those last 2 days.

BPL (below poverty line) is an index used to measure poverty in India. I checked on this and found that, the BPL figure India is somewhere around 26%. (That’s for a population of 1100 million people). The BPL definition is, if the person can spend Rs. 540 a month on food, then he/she is above poverty line. And mostly our national statistics would label a person as above BPL if he/she earns more than Rs. 540 a month, regardless of whether they spend that much amount on food (finding out how much a person spends from overall monthly earnings for food would be much more difficult to obtain).

The above 2 paragraphs contain quite a few hazardous guesses, but even if 25% of population of India (more than 250 million people) live Below poverty line, you can imagine how it would be affecting the progress of the country overall.

Fleetingly...

How fleeting our state of mind is... of course, sometime it might even last for some years, but when you look back, it seem moments earlier. Our emotional states they play trick on us by making us believe it will remain for ever. Love, which has had the biggest media advertising campaign ever to support it is just one example.

But often the good-ness or heroism is shown as unwillingness to change. movies for example show the hero or the good side as sticking with their ideals their whole life, show one side bathed in sun shine from beginning to end.

of course, movies also show the temporary nature of emotions, as they make us go through various states within the duration of few reels...

But maybe we humans need to be brainwashed (indoctrinated) with all this concepts which are socially approved to stick together as a group? How much indoctrinated a group need to be to stick together? Maybe more important still... how much integrity should there be in one person (personality) for that person to be normal? (Here I am using integrity as similar to an indoctrinated group). Of course, no one would like dictatorship when it comes to social situation...

But as an individual, single focus or dictator like single personality trait is often appreciated. (And a chaotic, democratic personality structure (person) would not be considered as a role model.

[I had argued that integrity as something good in an earlier blog. But of course, here context is different to some extent at least, or so I hope].

Maybe its bit too complex. but a germ of an idea, and comparison between group and individual, I feel exists somewhere up there in those words, maybe just fleetingly…

another 1st

november 1st, a new month begins... though never cared for a date to start something. but today was thinking of ways to get out of this goal-less-ness cycle. maybe i needed a break ;)

i guess it would be common enough, to have such feelings & thoughts of just existing without a purpose, more so if you are un-attached singleton. (maybe by being unattached, by distancing yourself away from even your friends you achieve such a state).

being forced to remain unattached doesn't seem to be an option for netizens, as all you have to do is click on the numerous spams you receive everyday. of course there are 100's of friendship network sites and all that.

but yeah, just plain interaction with others seem to help and today i could feel it. maybe this is another new beginning, another fresh attempt to improve, achieve, be part of the guilt free, functional member of the civilized world. (you can ignore my sarcasm, its not part of the goallessness, but general part of me ;) there, i even cracked a joke).

Does this need for other people mean i am dependent on others? but does anyone exist on their own? the search is on...

pax vobis

Surprising that the numbness in the mind doesn’t translate into the finger tips at times. Give a guy a week, without any thing to do, give a future blank, and sometimes electricity runs through the brain or sometimes nothing.
Goal-less-ness can be a can be a gift or curse, or some other elaborate terms like existentialism, meaninglessness, depression etc. All these terms seem to radiate with goallessness too, even though in some spiritual context they become goals themselves.

Yeah... Whatever…
That’s my fav. word these days
OK, world, I am waiting out,
Move around me, I am not gonna run
Around in circles any more.

A different type of entry, pasted here for eternity… as long as I remain anonymous, I need not fear being judged. What happened I don’t know, meaninglessness remain like saltless food on my mouth.

Maybe its not fashionable to write about self, when a few hundred public causes float in the blogosphere, which everyone seem to try to blot it with their pet issues, such as discrimination, land grabbing polluters, celebrity evil deeds... just take up any one to fight over seems to be the mantra.

Trying to sit still, focus, or even just eat have become hard enough, but yet advice still remains the biggest fear of all. Guess I am abstract enough now. Astala vista, pax vobis.

how does that happen?

I saw a recently released hindi movie called ‘lage raho munnabhai’ (it’s sprinkles of Gandhian philosophy, and I would recommend it as a good see, try to get a dvd with English subtitles).
In that movie, there was one actor, who plays / acts as a sikh (sardar) character, i.e. person from Punjab, India. The guys who wear a turban and beard as religious symbols. This actor originally is not a sikh, but he portrays that character very well.

Today, I saw one sikh person who seemed just like the character, seemed just like that character. I started wondering why it seemed so? How did this actor could copy and imitate a Sikh person just with his looks? And I realized, the Sikh guy was wearing his pants way below his navel and was wearing a belt at low waist. I realized the connection as the actor also wear similar style cloths in that movie… but even without realizing this background connection, we human’s can understand the similarities, its like magic (to me) sometimes.

I like to understand the inner processes… even though a person can just learn to appreciate & enjoy the acting (in the above case) without really knowing about the background connections.

I guess the above 2 lines would be the answer to a friend who kinda asked me this question, ‘how did you turn out to be the way you are?’… Well, actually I have been asking that question to myself since years, but had no good explanation for that. i.e. rather than just accepting something, I try to see why its so? How it’s so etc. etc. I guess such a questioning attitude helps one to break out of their past, home culture and stuff like that…

Been on a vacation for sometime, but back now… though will take some more time to digest those experiences enough to write on them… but blogs are like very understanding friends?

Schizophrenic shit

Why do Indians do it? Talk about gender equality on one side and force their children to follow an arcane ritual from ancient times… Talk about IT on one side and follow an astrological chart for marriage on other side…

What’s the connection between Indians and scientific temper? As the blonde jokes go, same as a blonde and intelligence? There are Millions of Indians who have studied pure sciences, and their branches, engineering and medicine. And millions more are currently studying (and the anti-reservation fight was mainly fought on those course campuses, just reporting though)… But India mostly imports technology from outside, there seem to be nothing much coming up in research ideas from these science grads. Why?

Are the Indian children force fed on Farex, milk and exam oriented answers? Do they like in the loo, just produce shit in the examination hall as an end result?

Centuries old culture is ruined by call centers, or are they disturbing the staid method to make academic automatons since centuries? Religion is the opium of the masses, whew, this keyboard is turning schizo too. ;)

Blogs of passion

Why do we/I write shit disguised as a blog?
Why do we/I write any shit at all?
To see our names in print?
To become famous?
To help the economy by helping publishing companies?
To share our valuable insights drawn from our unique experiences and even more unique (?) interpretations?
To become more articulate?
Or is it just that as written in the famous American bumper sticker, ‘shit happens’?

And how do we write? How does it come out – Systematically? Chaotically? In a flow when we are in the zone?

My process of writing seem to come out through some unknown process and I have been trying to understand it – I start writing and even if I have no idea in the beginning or even middle, it ends up as a whole. A wrote a short story, titled ‘not that crazy’, and it reflects such an experience.

I was trying to sleep at night, and I remembered a Hindi movie song and got up to write something with that as a beginning… A guy is listening to that song and what happens to him? Through this process I wrote a story about a guy suffering from schizophrenia. The whole process took about one hour (the story contains roughly 1500 words or two typed pages). I had no idea how I will end it, or what will come up next when I was writing it. I was on a roll. Wish I was more of a conscious writer than the above kind of unconscious one, because I will be able to write when I wanted to, rather than just wait for that flow or mood to strike me.

Well, it’s been the same for blogs as well. Sometimes none for a month, and sometimes 3 in one day. Gotta thank Sudip who told me to keep at it, an American Joe who reads it, and Jaadya too… I guess that wraps up everybody… oh, yeah, the blogger, yeah gotta thank them too?

What a friend of a friend found on a trash can in a Mumbai local train:

It was a typed page – with this written on it…
Is sexuality or sexual behavior just a value?
Does physical intimacy require some commitment or ‘love’?
What’s cool/good & what’s not, when it comes to having single or multiple sexual partners?

Forget sexuality just that word is enough to give indigestion... even though its just a value?

Let’s check this one behavior, which has been observed many times on Bombay roads:
Teenagers walking holding hands with mother / father, while walking on the road (in India)…
Does it show better family relationships (in India?)
Does it show lack of inhibition & ability to show freedom of expression of Indian parents/teens?
Or does it show the teens are un-cool?
Or does it show that teens are over-protected, socially uneasy with peers?
Or that they are obsessed with own family?

Or all of the above / some of the above could be true?

Is there a connection between the above and below paragraphs?

…Forget it, that found page on that trash can… its more trouble that its worth? ;)

7/11 mumbai blasts

Bomb blasts in 7 areas of Bombay (or Mumbai) within 11 minutes (from 6.24 pm to 6.35 pm) was a terrible news, though cannot be very unexpected. The railway is the life line of Bombay, and during rush hour, hundreds of people crush themselves into each compartment. population density would be the highest in such compartments during those rush hours, and anyone who has experienced this in Mumbai local train is not likely to forget it in his/her life time.

These blasts occurred only in first class compartments, which are more expensive (10 times more expensive than second class compartment), and comparatively less crowded. is there a reason to target first class compartments? (I read in BBC internet news report which had erroneously reported that first class passengers can be identified beforehand).

There is no way to distinguish who will climb into any compartment, because there is no booking in local trains, you just climb in. You don’t even have to buy a ticket to get into a railway station or a train, and you are fined only if you are caught by some handful of ticket checkers who seem to be present mostly during the first week of beginning of a month (salaries are paid, so people will have money to pay fines). Anyway, what I want to say is, there’s no security system as such, and I remember how just 1 year before (7/7) London railway series blasts police could check video of passengers getting into the stations.

If the blasts were done by LeT (lakshar e Toiba) or some such fanatic group who usually claim to fight for Islam. They would have harmed Muslim passengers as well (reports already show that some Muslim passengers have indeed died in these 7/11 blasts). These terrorist actions create mass psychological impact as well. Though I hope it won’t lead to religious disharmony and riots. Focusing on a single identity of the religion of the attackers (terrorists) and generalizing it on to a whole community is as criminal a thing. If such a terrorist was a woman, then are all females to blame? If one of them is left-handed, then are all left-handed people to be judged?

We live in a complex world and each individual has such multiple identities. Everyone is a minority in that sense, or even unique… for example, you might be the only person who is 5.11 inches tall, has light brown skin, a square jaw, a spot on your left ear, and can speak 3 specific languages, with a liking for sports cars. But such rational or logical thinking often seems alien and riots and mob killings have occurred in Mumbai as well in other areas of India before. These lead to a vicious cycle and more terrorists are created.

The common error or judging a whole group as good or evil increases during intense emotional states. And the suicide squads formed as early as 13th century (called Fidayeen) in the middle-east Asia was trying to achieve the same panic state of mind, and blind retaliation and its cyclic process. (I have used the word fidayeen for its historical purpose only and not in any religious context, but that word seemed to have become synonymous with suicide squads). Similarly terrorists are attempting to bring about macro level changes by creating unexpected micro event/s, and we need to think & prepare ourselves to defeat the purposes of such inhumane acts.

The 7/11 blasts have killed almost 200 people and injured many more. Thousands would have been shocked by the impact and noise as well. But amazingly the always on-the-go Mumbai spirits has withstood many such major shocks previously and hope it does so again... Of course, Mumbai police is providing information about people injured in the blasts through their website (even a decade ago, it woulda been sci-fi), the link is http://www.mumbaipolice.org/images/news_cp/1blast/blast.htm and the information is pretty detailed and done quickly; remarkable!

Abstention v/s Activation

What happens when you want to keep writing blogs is… initially it seems tougher, but if you persist, then voila! Your fingers effortlessly type the same shit which otherwise would come huffing and puffing. Anyway, let’s get to the idea...

What’s more tough? Abstaining or doing something?

Well, I had gone to a small specialty restaurant just because it’s nearby. They have some not generally available dishes on their menu, and I ordered one such dish, which I earlier, and remembered it to be very tasty. I got my order, and a plate was kept on my table, and just the second before I was about to plunge my spoon and fork in, I tried to recollect its taste and almost shocked to realize that I had no recollection of that previous taste. I could have kept my spoon and fork down and walked out of there at that time.

I had ordered it out of a general recollection, but I had no specific recollection of the taste. And I remembered experiences shared by friends who had to go on a diet and had to fight the craving to eat their favorite but high fat dishes. Could the craving be due to their ability to remember or recollect those particular taste experiences very vividly? Does the cognitive processes of the brain play such an important role?

Obviously, the whole process of cognition would be cyclic, and level of interest would make those memories stronger, and thus those memories would be stored deeper, thus make them easier to recollect, which in turn… and so on.

Anyway I know since many years that it would be easy for me to follow dietary restrictions. I had as just like that, experimented by starving myself for 2 days consecutively, or eating one bowl of boiled sago (Sabudana is how it’s most common term for it in India, which looks like small white spheres made from tapioca roots). This boiled Sabudana had no sugar, salt or spices, which had no reason, but I just wanted to try it out, as deprivation of spices and salt often produce strong food cravings. But I could go through these days, without major struggles. (My lack of interest in food also is seen as an undignified characteristic by gourmands).

But this absolutely doesn’t work with cigarettes for me. I have experienced what Mark Twain told in a succinct way, “I can quit cigarettes any time, I have quit it 1000’s of times already”. I am now trying to empathize with dieters by linking this cigarette craving with their food cravings, as well as trying to apply what works for me automatically or unconsciously for me while following abstinence.

Abstinence of un-healthy activities is one issue, but activation & maintenance of healthy habits is another equally or even more important issue. Are these two more similar, or are they more different from each other? Something to think over…

R.O.C.K & R.E.B.T

Understanding ROCK climbing & REBT principles happened together for me last week. A group of us had gone to a hilly area, with a sea bay flowing near through it, situated in a rural / undeveloped place. The place we were in was a house on near top of a hill with somewhat wooded area surrounding it. There were kids too, from 5 onwards to 13 years of age. As the elders gathered together to chat, the kids began to get restless and I decided to explore the surrounding area with them.

We decided to check out the bay and some fishing boats there and they were visible from the place we were staying (about 6 of us). Instead of going through the paved path, we decided to go through ‘secret paths’ (actually some rough paths & not the regular road), which was accepted eagerly and we began our exploration. Although it was monsoon season, there was no rain, but some cloud cover reduced the intensity of the sun. Soon enough we encountered some rock patches and steep ways and the kids began to hesitate.

At first I could not understand the hesitation, because with my height of 5.11” it was easy for me, but for them those 2 or 3 feet rocks were as good as 5 or 6 feet tall rocks for me. This made me realize that I could help them to learn rock climbing principles, as with my height I could provide safety for them. Also I have been going for trekking and rock-climbing for the last few years. I knew it would be easy for me to hold them and help them to climb up or down, but that wouldn’t help them to learn. So I had to facilitate, which is easier said than done.

Initially, instructions and what not to do etc. automatically blew out from my mouth, and I began to realize that in order to get the things done I was imitating exactly what my elders had done to me and it is not facilitation. I had to pause each time such words and even whole sentences jumped out internally, and then paraphrase them or change them totally before speaking out. Incidentally, the number of times ‘NO’ automatically came while dealing with children was shocking in itself. How would I feel if someone behind me kept saying NO or stopped me from doing something even before I thought of it? It would ruin the fun of a picnic exploration, and would raise more self-doubts or would make me feel like rebelling without a regard for risks involved.

It evolved slowly, and I began to do more of observing than commanding. Our group dynamics also was changing, as the children seemed to understand unconsciously and as usual were much faster at adapting to the environment around them. From the earlier mode of the eldest person (me) as the restrainer and the children as the ones who try to stretch how farther they can go and our roles balanced out. Their sense of responsibility became visible (maybe because I was observing in a better way). And it was amazing how even the small ones were taking care of each other as well as teasing each other to perform. These things just happened and without holding on to the past resentment or gratitude they would race ahead.

One of the major things about rock climbing or walking through a non parallel area is sense of balance. We are habituated (especially city dwellers) to roads, flat surfaces, broad steps etc, and going through slops, steeps, rocks and other uneven surfaces becomes a major concern, and attempts to over balance oneself occur during these periods of fear proves to be counter productive.

I had to learn this during my trek and rock climbing expeditions with my experienced friends, and I learned through observing them. When a layman walks through a slope, to adjust for the slope, he/she slants own body for a sense of safety, but actually leads to reduced balance. But in actuality, leaning the body to a side increases the chances of slipping. Our ankle can be bent and thus flat side of our foot is what should press itself on to the sloppy surface; our body needs to remain straight. Well, not easy to understand, so let me use an example.

Suppose Tom is walking in the direction of bottom of this page to top, and the page slopes towards left side about 25 degrees. His tendency will be to twist his upper body towards the right side (maybe about 25 degrees), which seems common sense, but it increases the probability of him slipping to left. Humans do such things automatically or instinctively. Of course lots of practice might help us to learn the proper way to walk on slops, but often such learning’s remain unconscious or we remain unaware about the principles behind our actions. There is one more thing which stops us from learning and that is if we rigidly hold on to our beliefs formed during those fearful moments.

Suppose Tom is told this principle, will it make him change his posture immediately & make him walk the proper way? Chances are low that such a change will happen immediately even when we become aware of the right principle. We might follow the more risky behavior or avoid practicing all together.

Then what to do? How to teach children who would be even less willing to listen to theoretical gibberish? Give them time, and give them opportunity to practice. And that’s what happened on that day, though I had to fight with my instincts to help them, or command them or make them learn immediately. I had to change my reasonable demand, “since I am putting in so much effort, they should master the task immediately”, and remind myself repeatedly of an unreasonable expectation that, “this is just one day, and they will learn as much as they can during this opportunity”.

Well, of course, this story did have a happy ending, as towards the evening, the once hesitant kids were walking through the slops by bending their ankles and the body straight, willing to use their muscles in newer ways, and with a sure sense of balance in their style. Though much of my learning that day was not so visible, my pride might have shown through though...

just another blog ;)

whew... i dont have any idea what i am gonna write here, but thought will attempt some spontaneous writing...

in last blog we saw how 'isms' or political systems can make society stronger, but the individual weak, and vice versa... (well, may the message might not be clear, so its like - a strong group who runs the system may neglect individual rights... or in the name of all around development, some individuals will get trampled on etc. and if there's too strong an individualism, then the whole group may suffer... )

am i making sense? well. let's get to the point anyway. what kind of system would be most progressive and protect everyone's rights as well? hmm... seems a stupid question? are you part of any group? club? or anything? or just look around your neighborhood... can there be any improvements? or the way through which you regularly travel, or your organization or institution.. . such ideas need not be worthless a day dream; you need not require power or resources to turn your ideas right away into action. just think, that's the first step.

bye for now.

its been so long... almost forgot my blogger password..

well, from earlier posts, the blog focus (blogus?) has been changing to my personal experiences. anyway, as long as its free, i cant see any reader complaining ;)

yeah, the hot topic in india these days is, anti-reservation. (increase in reservation for OBC & SC/ST - Other Backward Castes, Scheduled Caste / Scheduled Tribes - i.e. the lower castes).

now, all over media, one sees anti-reports (these reports are not directly anti, but they just report anti-reservation related events)... and i began to wonder, where are the pro-reservation people?

maybe the pro-reservation ppl dont want to give any reports/comments because it will be like pouring oil into a anti-reservation fire? or pro-reservation ppl are contented to sit back quietly as no political party would oppose reservation as it would lead to lose of millions of votes?

there are multiple views ofcourse, and i had recently glanced through a book by arun shourie, called 'workshipping false gods', which focuses on criticisms against dr. ambedkar, and how history is twisted after the indian independence to create dr.ambedkar as a messiah of lower castes, and that he is not the sole maker of constitution of india. after independence, reservation for people from lower caste was supposed to last for 10 years, but it has been continued since then.

but history twisted around, which had happened in 1940's, which is about 6 decades? well, like someone had said, "there is no objective history, but only interpretation of happenings from someone's point of view"...

but inequality does exist in india; the wealthy try to keep their wealth through hook or crook; republican party is big in US; and a system to bring equality to everyone called communism has lost majority of its coverage. Does it mean capitalism is the only way ahead? shouldn't there be some protection against exploitation? well, maybe human race needs a better system than capitalism, or a better system than communism as well... groups need strong leader to progress rapidly, but power can easily corrupt individuals. of course, this one ends in a question mark as usual.

well, i break my silence to put in a eyewitness report of a tribal dance-drama, hope it suits the style of this blog (as if it has some style!)... read on:-

On 13th April 2006 night, from 11.15 pm to 12.00 night, a magnificent performance of ‘bear in the jungle’ a dance-drama was done by tribal youth as part of ‘Ma Danteswari Jatra-2006’, in Gadchiroli district, Maharashtra, India. This spectacular show, replete with subtle nuances of theatric exposition was a totally enjoyable experience. It’s not easy to describe or to understand it through reading about it – but lets both try to do so.

The show began after a drizzle of a rain peeped a bit through the summer night without dampening the festive atmosphere at Shodgram, a Tribal health initiative (www.searchgadchiroli.org). Around 500 people were gathered and sitting in a big circle to view this show.

And the show begins with drumbeats, and about 15 people, in magnificent leaf headgears and flowing dresses dance in to the performing circle, their movement flowing in a line. They cover less than one-fifth of the arena, and with mesmerizing rhythm keep moving around the circle. One half of this group are males who are stamp the walking sticks they carry in synch while the women are carrying woven bamboo baskets either on their hip or on their head.

The drum beats slowly increase, and other characters fill in effectively using the line of walkers, the gaps in the audience circle to move in and out of view; scaring the kids in audience, monkey’s are seen jumping around, a small bear is seen hustling about, a black faced huge bear is glimpsed, white painted monkeys mock around, and an old man with a huge turban on his head, carrying a water bag and an unwieldy stick is seen walking around in a tired, stooping but rhythmic way, obviously lost. Also seen is a strapping young man, carrying on his shoulders, two large baskets tied on a stick; he unfortunately has many encounters with animals, and fortunately escapes each one of these along with his baskets.

Then a group of 4 to 5 hyper energetic hunters with rifles enter this scenario and pandemonium breaks loose. These hunters attempt to create some kind of temporary stillness in this jungle, long enough for them to calmly aim but in vain. They also appear very human and are not particularly observant or brave, and thus find themselves frequently startled by sudden appearance of some animal, run helter-skelter, trip and fall around till they re-group again to hunt.

The small bear has a long face cover (made of bamboo, a modified rice-chaff differentiator), which limits its vision, and naturally leads to comic situations. The old guy walking around in stiff limbed rhythm has the confounding habit of appearing in unexpectedly in the middle of thick & thin, and never fails to evoke laughter either. These comic elements surprisingly are enacted without becoming overtly slap-stick because they don’t seem preprogrammed conscious enactments.

As the show progress, the speed gradually increases along with faster drum beats, till the big bear wounds a man. Background music stop and the human members huddle around the wounded person and get someone to treat him. The old man is the lone character who remains mobile. The wounded man recovers after treated by two people and then drums restart. The hunters, animals and walkers return reinvigorated and action explodes through their criss-crossed interactions, till after few unsuccessful attempts, a lucky strike by one of the hunter leads towards the big bear’s death and to a jubilant end.

In this group effort, naturally available props are modified to bring out startling effects; various theatrical elements are mixed together to provide classic entertainment without high expense; and through involvement the actors connects with the audience who can almost feel as if they were on this jungle safari themselves. If you have read till here, then let me end by wishing you in the future a chance to experience in person, this amazing performance.

been watching a lot of recent movies. 'crash' and 'goodnight & goodluck' stand out. i could get the script of 'munich' by googling. reading a script almost gives me a feeilng as if i have seen that movie (though some of my friends consider reading a script as boring).

talking about reading a script, i had read one unofficial script version of 'minority report', and i liked it so much and decided rented out a cd or dvd, i forget. the movie was quite different!! i was disappointed as the official script was lousy compared to the unofficial script.

of course, giong back to the first para, i also saw, 'capote', maybe didn't enjoy becoz had not read 'in cold blood' or seen him on tv ever.

been reading a lot too, mainly pulp fiction books like, stephen king, ildes, connelly and stuff... just fall on to my bed and keep reading till the sun rises and birds makes all kinda noises, thought i wouldn't be doing that stuff in my thirties.

well, will be soon going to a tribal area, and hopefully be there during a tribal festival. i guess the tribe is called as 'gonds'. i am pretty much looking forward to this trip, and watch out this space, i told you about this first.

and yeah, sometimes i wonder whether anyone reads such blogs, there must be billions out there. So, if you read this, do write something on the comments... ok? its not for my ego trip, but hey, knowing whether someone ever reads this or not is important, right?... "YEAH".