why are you still single?

a friend who lives in turkey says..
basically a lot of people have asked me, why am i still single? he's in his late 30's..

i didn't know what to say..  but surprisingly a group discussion started with that.  there are married, singles and in relationship people in the group.  they start talking, as its a house gathering, where people just chill out and chat... its not a hectic party, but more focus on food and conversations...

prior to this group talk, 2 people had a private chat, but it became public, as both were trying to stress their point and unconsciously became loud in their volume..  no intervention was needed, as it was an intellectual debate and everyone know they end up as sum total of human intelligence (which is zero, if you count in IQ and if you count in stupidity, then have a unit which is in billions ;)

well..  it was interesting debate..  the man and the woman were discussing the status of their relationship or lack of it, and the group is a tolerant and liberal one, so, it was nothing new.  but, to reveal the hidden layers, they were discussing hypothetical questions..  which start with "what if"..

one of them, asked the other, "what if i hadn't moved away to another city at that time?  what would have happened to us then? or something hypothetical /imaginary question like that...  the other person gave a clear answer, "nothing much else would have happened, we had reached a stalemate situation with our friendship anyway"... (no puns intended and it was straightforward talk, as far as i know).    

anyway, that icy cool reply broke up that suspense and people re-gathered in new cliques.  a small TV was on somewhere with some football, and a small group checking out results of various clubs quickly.  an advt. interrupted it half way through.  couple of advt geeks moved into check new advts (believe me, there are people who like to watch advts and analyze them).

a new advt. came in, for an online shop.  (these days its either online shop advt, or an advt to re-sell your used things bought online, through online again, so that you can buy more stuff online ;)
ok.. be patient..  i wont drift anymore... ;)

in this advt.  a young man & woman (husband & wife), are sitting together to buy furniture online.  the eager husband tell us, its him, who is is going to shop for furniture, as if its a rocket science.  his wife, is sitting next to him, holding his hands and with wide eyed anticipation.
and he orders something, his wife immediately corrects him, and keeps changing the details slightly, till he ends up ordering what she wants.  it was supposedly funny, where one partner in relationship was doing major 'backseat driving'.  couple of viewers laughed out loud at such an obvious stereotype...

the advt. was over, football stat graphs appeared, and advt. geeks moved away to start analysis of that advt.  one said, "it was not a nice advt.  but, such nasty people, who manipulate their relationships exist and its a major pain to deal with them..  as they are always trying to control slyly.  some of them dont even realize that they are doing such a nasty thing, and it hurts their relationships & others too".

another joined in..  it was the turkish friend.  he said, "now i know, the answer to the question, so many people asked me before..  why am i still single?.   this was in a different track from the advt. but interesting enough to find out, so the group asked for explanation. 

he answered, "because, i am frank and honest to the point of brutality, when it comes to a close relationship.  i would like to dig deep and discuss even hypothetical questions...  and it would be a partnership, where future of that partnership wouldn't be per-determined... 

i do see many potential partners, who want to live the way its shown in movies and advt's..  where the partners/couple have to love whatever the other likes and profess love through rituals shown in movie/advt as proof of true love, without realizing why they do it.  they remain shallow and their relationship as well, and they fear change the most.  how can someone exist in such a relationship, where dying together in old age is goal, even though for which you are willing to sacrifice exploration of life?  aren't they remaining in such closed relationships, becoz they haven't been exposed to emotionally open relationships?

to be precise, he continued..  i will say just this, "i prefer emotionally open relationship, without conditions and demands... so i am still single..  does that make sense to you?

fortunately, this shocking statement, did have a supporter in the group, who added.   "if this answer of yours, doesn't reach out to the other person, then there is no point, trying to make him/her understand your attitude.   

another added, its liked from the movie, 'instinct'..  we all act as takers, not only with nature... but with each other as well..  as if, we are all going around with a begging bowl, pleading, 'love me, give me affection, give me respect, make me feel good, make me happy'..  to others, and as if that is not enough, to mythical gods and powers as well..

'the dinner is served', announcement rang at that moment, and made everyone self aware and all moved towards the ultimate truth, one plate at a time ;)