backpacking beach night...

it was night, and a group of backpackers decided to walk to beach nearby and have a campfire.. random group of people from various countries, cultures..

somebody talked about an incident from evening, where a police guy asked a local couple, whether they are married.. and it seemed almost like an interrogation...  never seen them do that to foreigners..

some countries dont have a marriage system, it seems..  someone bit far from the fire mentioned.  i turned around.  it was interesting enough to stop staring at the flying bits of fire, going up fearlessly to meet the unending darkness around.  (maybe everyone has that courage, when born..  humans train their children from that onwards, really hard, to turn them conventional)..

but, back to the conversation..  (its backpackers, friendly even in a serious discussion), so, even a statement like that got some innocuous replies first.  though another one, similarly covered in darkness said, 'isn't it a leading question or statement? seems like, the moral judgement that marriage system is good is already been passed..

now it was getting warm.. conversation wise.  (if you let yourself go with the flow, then backpacking nights lead to so many insightful discussions or even debates).  somebody else asked..  what about your parents? if they hadn't stayed together while keeping the sanctity (of marriage), would you be like this here today?

another retorted (i am cutting away many details and sub points of the whole conversation, and writing only the relevant points..  otherwise, it will be like one novel).  how much of marriage system is due to patriarchy?  due to easy digestion of romantic books, TV, movie etc and cultural pressures?

would a mother, who is now in her 50's or 60's..  from a traditional country, opt to keep the marriage going, if she had enough freedom?

"yeah, its like that Clint Eastwood movie, 'bridges of Madison county'.. Meryl Streep's children find their mother's liberation as shocking..

how can one decide, what things their parents did, should be followed and what should not be followed?  is there a logic to it all?  will even 2 conventional people, brought up in a blinding middle class community, be agree to what's ok & whats not ok, in totality?

another quipped.  lets not bring mothers into this.  i respect mine and she has sacrificed a lot.

reply came for that immediately.  yeah, but, now i can't help but ask one.  would you be willing to live your life like your mother? you should totally be willing right?

Would you allow your mother, to do all the things, that you wish to do? Could it be she, who sits here, having a beach night campfire and conversations, without a care about tomorrow? Or your father, or brother, or sister, or child or.. anyone.. can people of all castes, all ages, all occupations, any nationality be here?

maybe not little children.. they are to be protected.

Till what age, will they remain children? Just because, 2 people are involved in the birthing process, do they OWN that human being (in a child form).. Can people own land, rivers, hills, flowers… anything in nature? Can they own themselves? Then.. can a person cut off his hand or leg.. or commit suicide? Consume any substance? Poison the land belonging to him/her?

Or maybe, for that, you need a group.. and sometimes, such groups are called as a 'nation'.. or it could be religious, or some other lobby or political group, within that nation, or a multinational clique... and such hugely powerful groups can amass resources to kill others and do everything with impunity, and the world will shiver..   

you are drifting into another topic man..  came a reminder covered in a drawl, which indicated, i could care less.. 

ok..  basically, what i would like to know is, the same people, who are so crazy obsessed with well-being and protection of their family or some close friends..  how can they be so cruel to another human being at the same time??  aren't every terrorist, soldier, rebel, homicider, exploiter, corrupt person, part of some family? some group?  Dont they fiercely protect their own small group? 

another added..  you are drifting.  so, lets get back to the old topic, before the mother statements came in. . its all like the question - what's faith and what is blind faith?  can even two faithful people agree on that?

either you can break out and see things differently or not.  and, i won't divide developed and developing countries..  more like, people with net access and without.  as net gives lots of exposure... criss crossing information across world wide through social media and internet..  so, its a choice, whether to see beyond one's boundaries or not.  another stated lazily.. 

(the waves in that beach, seemed to be doing just that kind of thing..  hitting with waves of logic, one after another, against the rigid, hardened land..) 

at least the waves never give up, a sleepy voice indicate breaking up of that beach night gathering.

......  (other quotes from that night)...
"if you want freedom, and acceptance from others, to be the way you want, then,
you should be willing to let your mother do all those things as well..  can you?  can she?

"to be free, one must be willing to give that same freedom to others as well - the more you practice control over others, you too will remain constricted and constipated".

"everyone complains about, injustice, unfair things happened to them.. or done to them... and the difficulties they have to face.
no one questions the opportunities they get, the happiness and freedom they currently have & had... that's taken for granted.  and it creates an imbalance..  as even a small % of problems  balloon up!"

 ...
"people think, its the desire to succeed, the strength of the will or wish, which leads us to that...
but isn't it the desire to do things (which may lead to success or happiness), which is to be strong?

"everyone has 1000's of wishes, but the person, who actively pursues by doing, is the person who succeeds.   and sometimes, when a successful person, says on TV/print, that they never wished/expected/planned for it... some of the viewers feel jealous..   (how the hell did she/he got it? such a waste of all that fame/success.   here i've been wishing for that since years and nothing).

often the wish or desire is for fame and worship..  which certain success can bring.  and that takes the focus on to the fame/fandom...  and distracts from actually accomplishing - as focus to achieve what needs to be done remains neglected.

these people become known as complaint boxes, or who perennially talk about all the misfortunes, that befall on them.
probably i would have said, in my younger years, to such a person..  "then why dont you wish for what you get easily?  just wish - something should not happen"..  then you will get what you want ;)

in sports, we do have such negative wishes, that team should not win, or should not score more than 1 goal.. etc.  But negative wishes are draining..  (would you rather keep a goal, "i won't tell lies, or i won't be violent"..  or i will be honest, or i will be peaceful?  ..  maybe its another blog altogether.